No, no, said Nina, I’ve only just got here myself; I misread the bus schedule and. . . . TO BE CONTINUED.
A certain renowned author and GOH at 2015 Boskone is getting entirely too fond of cliffhangers!
Snork. It wasn’t meant to be a cliffhanger. It was ‘okay, that’s 1000 words, I can get at least a second post out of all the photos, YAAAAAAAY.’ No, I found my way out of the car park without happening across more than one or two bottomless ravines and/or person-eating tigers . . . and having stood at a total loss on the pavement outside the exit for about thirty seconds while the traffic swirled by* the very first passing pedestrian I applied to pointed over his shoulder and said, your Ancient Building—and your yarn show—is that way.
And it was. And Nina was waiting in the entrance.** And we spent the next three hours in a daze of colour, texture and naked desire.***
And it won’t be nearly as droolworthy as any of these. But it’ll be a shawl.
TO BE CONTINUED. Again. Hey, it worked last time. . . . †
* * *
* And I’m sure I saw that stricken look of No! Not Sainsbury’s again! on several of the drivers’ faces
** Having had a slightly fascinating time watching all the painstakingly handmade knitwear marching through the doorway. This reminds me more than a trifle of costuming at cons. The majority of it is pretty fabulous and you think if all that love, care, creativity and skill could be more widely applied we’d have the world’s problems sorted instanter. Unfortunately there tend to be governments and special-interest groups in the way.
And then there’s a little of it that, ahem, isn’t fabulous. At least not on this planet. There were a few items in this category at the yarn show.
*** Well, I did. Nina is made of sterner stuff, although she admitted she began to feel a trifle overwhelmed. But she came for a project and she found a project, and she bought a pattern and took advice about suitable yarn and bought that AND THAT’S ALL SHE BOUGHT. Gaaaaaaah. I bought an ENTIRELY UNSUITABLE VERY LARGE BOOK OF PATTERNS for the extremely pathetic reason that I fell wildly, hopelessly in love with one of the knitted-up samples. I have about as much chance of knitting the freller^ for myself as I do of riding dressage in the next Olympics—in fact I have a better chance at the Olympics—but maybe I can turn the book into a coffee table. It’s big enough.^^
Now most of this is just my embarrassing lack of self-control. But it’s also because the stall-holders were nice. I could imagine ringing them up and saying WHAT DO I DO NOW? I can even imagine them answering.^^^ Most of the stall-holders made a point of saying that they were happy to take phone calls and offer advice, and pressed their business cards on you, and most of these are small independents producing their own yarn and/or their own patterns. Although there were a few franchises there, they were friendly too. Knitting seems to be a pretty welcoming world.
However there was one stall where I would certainly have bought one and probably two patterns, both of which were really interesting and looked more clever than complicated . . . but a little complicated. And I looked at the proprietors and thought, well, no, I can’t imagine ringing these people up and asking for advice.# So I didn’t buy the patterns. Sigh. Not like I don’t have 467,912 patterns already.
^ No I’m not telling you what it is. It’s an item of clothing and it has roses on it.
^^ Speaking of large books full of gorgeous patterns I have no hope of knitting: http://americanmuseum.org/2013/09/the-colourful-world-of-kaffe-fassett-22-march-to-2-november-2014/
I even have a Kaffe Fassett book from another, similar occasion of tragic longing. It’s an art book, okay? Never mind those pattern instructions in the back.
^^^ The likelihood of my being able to follow their instructions however. . . .
# Nina, by the way, in her calm, clear, rational manner, had the same reaction to them that I did. So it’s not just me being the raging loony faction. She also liked the patterns. Maybe I’ll buy one on line and ask Fiona to help me.
† I’ve also just spent fifteen minutes frelling arguing with this laptop, which may be moving toward retirement^, about posting that last photo, which it insisted was Fully Occupied Having Illicit Relations with Another Programme. IT FRELLING ISN’T YOU FRELLING FRELLING. I don’t want to do that any more tonight and I have no idea what it might have in mind for my next attempt at loading a photo. The yarn porn is obviously disturbing its moral and professional values.
^ I can’t AFFORD a new computer! I need to BUY MORE YARN!!
MY EMAIL IS DEAD*. AND I WANT MY SERVER’S GUTS ON A PLATE.**
I had an email a few days ago from my host or whatever the arglebargle jerkface, saying that my email was migrating. Quack quack quack or similar. I had no idea that email was of a nomadic bent. And that when this process was complete and it was contentedly nest-building in its new neighbourhood I was going to have to mrffjjjx darblefhha gormblad, being extra-careful with the tuvuprk so that it doesn’t hipplycritz. I leaped back with a cry as if I’d been burnt, and forwarded this dreadful memorandum to Raphael. Who replied laconically that he would come out and reconfigure, and that he’d bring restraints for the tuvuprk , which was prone to bolting.
Migration was supposed to occur on Monday. How was I supposed to know if it’s happened or not? My email continued to behave as normal, which is to say as if possessed by demons, but no better or worse than it ever does.
Raphael came today on the assumption that my email must have moved into its new home by now and was ready for him to hang the pictures on the walls and fix the leaky tap and the sticky door.
Nope. Still migrating. Maybe it has a lot of boxes of books.
So he can’t reconfigure. And therefore he took his departure*** and I went about my (slow†) business
This evening, firing up the laptop for the first time since about an hour after Raphael left . . . MY EMAIL IS DEAD. I sent a suitably outraged text to Raphael who rang me from home, trying not to laugh, but it’s so dead he can’t talk me through a patch.
He’s coming again tomorrow, poor man. The hellterror will be delighted.
* * *
* So is the dishwasher.^ This is a CALAMITY. Peter, while admirably domestic in theory, and goes through the motions beautifully, belongs to that quaint British philosophy which holds that most household chores are performed for their ritual function, in which gesture, posture and the type and quality of your ceremonial objects are the crucial aspects, and hygiene has nothing to do with it.^^ AAAAAAAAAUGH.^^^
^ I mean the electric appliance. Calm down.
^^ Yes. British. Sue me. We have slobs in America—lots of slobs, in fact—but this business of faithfully and energetically applying the dish mop# to no discernable effect is British.
# That’s part of the problem right there. Dish mop?
^^^ Also something previously living has taken its final departure from this mortal coil somewhere rather too nearby and we have the invasion of big fat bluebottle flies at the mews to prove it. Yuck.# The only thing to be said for having them in the middle of winter is that they’re really slow and you can just about whap them out of the air, should you want to, and not bother waiting for them to light somewhere. I HAVE THREE DOGS AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS INTERESTED IN CATCHING FLIES. It’s not a rabbit, say the hellhounds. It’s not a hedgehog. IT’S TOO HIGH UP, says the hellterror, whose pogosticking is not an exact science.##
# Peter, at the far end of the mews, which is very nice for those of us who sing a lot louder than we used to and don’t want to be heard by the neighbours, is slap up against farmland, and the farmer in this case is a slob, speaking of slobs. Peter’s too nice to take her to court. He could.
## I think I’ve told you—? the story of one of Peter’s in laws ringing us up in a panic, many years ago now, while we were still at the old house, because she was having a sudden invasion of bluebottles and was assuming The World Was Ending? I happened to answer the phone. Nah, I said, it’s just that something’s died in your vicinity. If you have any closed-up chimneys or similar—especially if there’s a funny smell—it’s worth trying to find and dispose of it. If not, buy an extra fly swatter and hunker down. It’ll be over pretty soon—a few days, a week. Oh thank you, she said. I knew you’d know.
** Yes, Peter is still alive and breathing and his body parts remain in conformance to the standard arrangement. Although he went to his Wednesday bridge club today and confessed when he came home that he had faded badly by the end. You had a stroke a month ago. Lighten up.^
^ I’m still not in a very good mood. I’m being vouchsafed the honour of giving him a ride home from town tomorrow morning+ because he has to climb up the long hill to my end of town. I’ll get the palanquin dusted off.++
+ Sic. Late morning.
++ Hey. We have four bearers. Two hellhounds, a hellterror, and me. I admit the height differential is tricky#, but we’ll figure something out.
# Not to mention hellterror directional control
*** After a brief frustrating conversation about Android tablets, because the tablet-sized homeopathic software I want is only on Android. Fie.^
^ And while Astarte is a wonderful machine in many ways+, even Raphael has never managed to make her play nicely with PC-based email. Speaking of frelling email.
+ I am presently reading another cheap ebook that I again bought for the author’s name when it appeared in one of the weekly Kindle come-ons and . . . . arrrrrrgh. FOR PITY’S SAKE GET ON WITH IT. It’s alternate history and they want you to know they have DONE THEIR HOMEWORK. If this were hard copy I’d’ve thrown it across the room by now. As it is the skimming swipe-finger is so seductive I may even finish it. If reading one page in five counts as finishing.
† I’m due to go Street Pastoring this Friday and I’m going. ME, are you listening? You can knock me around two more days. Friday night I have plans.
I got to bed too late.* I had Raphael coming in the morning so I had to get out of bed before the middle of the afternoon.**
I had a list for Raphael. I always have a list.
There is apparently no way to turn OFF the wretched monster photos that have taken over everyone’s Twitter feed. I’ll click on the photos I want to see, you know? Stop frelling trying to make clawing my way through the last twenty-four hours even more of a ratbag.***
There is apparently no way to tell Windows 7 NO I FRELLING DO NOT WANT TO HANG AROUND ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES WHILE YOU DO A FRELLING UPDATE, I WANT TO CLOSE DOWN, PUT MY LAPTOP IN MY KNAPSACK AND GO HOME. You could on XP. You could tell it, no, later, and it said, okay, you’re the boss, and shut down.
My email is a NIGHTMARE and there isn’t much Raphael can do about it.† The settings all sit there sniggering behind their half-eaten address books and whimsical spam filters saying, We’re all optimally configured! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
When I finally got the poor patient hellhounds out†† there was not one but two off lead dogs in the churchyard, being ignored by two different irresponsible humanoid-shaped ratbags. And the middle of town was jammed solid††† because Father Bloody Christmas had arrived and his grotto was open for business.
Maybe I’ll go to bed what passes for me as early with a good book or twelve. Maybe I’ll even sleep. That would make a change.
* * *
* Duuh. In this case partly because I had loaded up my FABULOUS NEW EFFECTIVELY-IF-NOT-LITERALLY WIRELESS PRINTER with second-side paper and ran off a lot of knitting patterns.^ And when I pulled them out, having enjoyed the sound of a printer printing—no pings, no dings, no mysterious stoppages, no flashing lights, no screaming. Just printing—I discovered that my new printer wants paper loaded with the already used side up. Rather than down. Oh. My last several printers have wanted one-sided paper loaded BLANK side UP.
There was screaming after all.
And of course I had to do it all over again right then. It couldn’t wait till morning^^. A dozen knitting patterns I may never get to at all and certainly not any time soon since I have . . . um . . . several projects on needles already. BUT I HAD TO PRINT THEM OFF LAST NIGHT. YES.
^ Can some clever knitter person tell me if I could knit these on circular needles rather than DPNs? http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/f163-cleckheaton-country-silk-fingerless-gloves
I don’t do circulars+ but I really REALLY don’t do DPNs. Just looking at them makes me think of deep puncture wounds and the TOTAL FAILURE I was at cat’s-cradle.
+ Have I told you this story? After I started my big plain square JUST KEEP KNITTING winter scarf out of mind-blowingly gorgeous wool and silk yarn on circulars, thinking that it would be easier to manage that way and in less danger of spilling off too-short needles—broomstick-length needles don’t fit in your knapsack, and they probably won’t let you on public transport or in the bell tower where you’re a hazard to the already somewhat risky flying ropes—AND INSTEAD the wretched rows jammed every time they had to come back off the cable again and onto the working needle tips. The needle tips also needed screwing back on every time I got the fabric shoved onto the cable again. AND THEN, ONE DAY, ONE OF THE NEEDLE TIPS UNSCREWED ANYWAY. MID ROW. KNITTING ALL OVER THE LANDSCAPE. There was screaming.
I gave up circulars forever that day.# Interchangeable ones anyway. I still have a few basic bamboo-and-plastic fixed ones that Fiona gave me early on, saying to me in soothing tones that I would like circulars once I’d tried them. HA. HA. I’m sure the Romans told the Christians that the lions they were about to throw them to were pussycats really. But I could try knitting a glove on fixed circulars. You only cast on forty stitches, instead of a hundred and forty.## And I’d quite like to try this seamless deal.
The interchangeables came as a Yaaay! You SUBSCRIBED!### bonus from a knitting magazine. Moral: don’t subscribe to knitting magazines.
# And yes, I lost the two and a half or so inches of knitting I’d managed to wrench out of those ratblasted needles. Which is when I found out that my beautiful yarn doesn’t rip back very well.
^^ Or, you know, afternoon.
** I sent him a text at umph-plus o’clock asking him if he could please Not Be Early. I hope he turns his phone off when he goes to bed. Although he has three little kids: he may never sleep at all. Nadia has only two little kids and she never sleeps at all.
*** On the other hand I asked Twitter if there was a programme that would let me have more than one Twitter account open simultaneously and lovely Twitter people answered and I am now the more or less proud owner of a copy of Tweetdeck, which is already massively to be preferred in all the ways I can figure out.
Speaking of the kindness of computer nerd strangers, has anyone reading this ever had their Word 7 randomly turn blocks of text into italic? IT DRIVES ME FRELLING BANANACAKES. ALSO CREAM PIES. AND SOME COCONUT ONES WHILE WE’RE AT IT. COCONUT IS RELIABLY BONKERS. Sometimes it won’t turn off again: you highlight it, click, and it judders sideways and back and . . . stays italic. Sometimes it turns normal again as soon as you highlight it. Sometimes this block goes normal and then you flick up a page and discover a different block of text has gone italic. You tend to need a biggish block of text to set off whatever this is: it doesn’t happen (yet) to individual blog entries, but it’s really REALLY bad with KES, which I keep in files of a dozen or so eps per, because single words of italic seem to set off the gremlin and there’s kind of a lot of italic in KES.^
Anyone else seen this? Raphael looks at me warily when I tell him about it since (of course) I’ve never managed to reproduce it for him.
^ For some reason.
† Except maybe help me look at real estate ads for houses in areas with better broadband.
†† They don’t want to use the courtyard any more, even if they’re DESPERATE. WE’RE NOT THAT DESPERATE, they say, crossing their legs harder. The courtyard now belongs to the hellterror.
And, speaking of things going wrong, Raphael showed up before she was finished with her breakfast kong. By the time she is finished, she, her bedding, the crate and the kong are METICULOUSLY FREE OF ANY SUBATOMIC PARTICLE OF FOOD. But it’s a little messy on the journey. I don’t like keeping her crated when there are Exciting Visitors, it doesn’t seem to me fair, so I got her out and clutched her frantically to my bosom as I let Raphael in and shooed him (and hellhounds) hastily upstairs. I didn’t quite need a bath by the time I shut her back up with the remains of her breakfast. Quite.
Hellterror has had a good day however. After poor Raphael finally left to go attend to some normal, corporate client, we all went out to Warm Upford to put petrol in Wolfgang, and had a sprint around an empty sheep field before we came home. Hellterror doesn’t get out to deep country all that often and she was ECSTATIC. And I have two dislocated shoulders. One from an ecstatic hellterror, and one from two hellhounds trying to elude the ecstatic hellterror.^
^ The next field over was not empty so I didn’t dare let them off lead to sort it out among themselves.
††† Mind you this is easy to do in a town this size
Darkness made it through the night* without further incident** and today (thus far) has been normal.*** Life with hellhounds: a dizzying head trip with gruesome outbreaks of reality. Fortunately my hellhounds are cute. Warm and furry does me in every time, especially if there are wagging tails involved.
But I was on the phone to my vet at what passes in my case for an extremely early hour this morning.† And, wonder of wonders he was not only there—he has a nasty habit of volunteering to do marsupial field surgery in Venezuela or chiroptera rehabilitation in Romania—but he took my call. And I certainly had stuff to tell him.†
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and cautious optimism †† when I hung up, and took my assortment of hellcritters on brisk brief hurtles because Raphael was coming to scold Astarte and tell her to stop jerking me around and losing or refusing to recognise my email . . . and of course she behaved faultlessly the moment his authoritative tread was heard BUT . . .
I’ve been moaning about my current printer for months if not years. There are days when I can’t get it to print at all . . . and at this point it’s become one of the things that is making PEG II such a struggle. But I can’t frelling afford a new printer. Raphael had mentioned the new printer again when he booked to come out here and he just happened to have the one he was recommending in the boot of his car when he arrived. Ha ha ha I’ve heard that one before.
Oh, I said. Is it wireless?
It’s better than wireless, he said. It’s on nice stable cable, but [blah blah blah, something to do with the wireless picking up the signal from any given computer—and including Astarte, who I haven’t been able to print from at all without the idiot faff of sending myself an email attachment—and translating it to the printer]. So as far as I’m concerned it’s wireless: I don’t have to plug anything in I just HIT THE PRINTER BUTTON.
AND BETTER YET, IT PRINTS.
Of course I don’t know how long this blessed state of affairs will last††† but . . . maybe long enough to get PEGs II and III done. Please. . . .
* * *
* How poetic, if you don’t know what I’m talking about
** Unless there’s a crack-to-the-next-universe, like the ruts in Kes’ driveway, in the bottom of the hellhound crate which they are careful to use in extremis. On the whole I doubt this. Although it might explain the occasional apparent disappearance of old dog blankets.
*** And he’s just had dinner and is curled up and crashed out, so we have crossed our fingers and are typing with great difficulty.
† It takes me a good hour of caffeine and deep breathing to be sufficiently re-engaged with modern life to be able to find a phone number and then punch it into some machine which includes telephony in its repertoire. I usually try to get dressed before I do anything drastic like use a phone, since modern phones all have eight hundred and ninety-five options . . . and that’s just the preloaded ringtones. I remember when making a phone call involved a phone or address book made of paper and a low-key lump of plastic that only made telephone calls. Gone are the days etc. Levi’s frelling button flies—the problem being that I like the jeans—are a big fat nuisance when you’re trying to have a quick pee in a hedgerow but doing them up first time in the morning is a useful station on the way to contemporary functionality.^ I don’t try to put any jewellery on^^ till much later: all those horrible little clasps.^^^
^ It fascinates me, these people who allegedly reach for their iPhone or equivalent before they get out of bed. Presumably this means they can, even in an unawake, precaffeinated state, turn the thing on, since there can’t be a lot of point to grappling with it if you’re not turning it on.+ The ridiculous truth is that Pooka usually does sit on a shelf by my bed (except when I forget) but if Peter ever did ring me in an emergency I’d be all is-this-a-dagger-which-I-see-before-me-the-handle-toward-my-hand-come-let-me-clutch-thee-I-have-thee-not-and-yet-I-see-thee-still.++
+ Okay, good luck charm maybe? I’ve always thought rabbits’ feet totally ewwww and creepy. A nice shiny piece of tech is to be preferred.
++ That was all one word. Microsoft believes hyphens are sacred.
^^ And I’m a jewellery kind of girl, although I stopped wearing long ropey things that hellcritters can get their legs through years ago.
^^^ It’s nice to think that all those people who lived before the internet was invented didn’t have it all their own way.
† The problem with homeopathy for animals is that they don’t talk, and homeopathy depends on the sufferer’s individual experience of what is wrong with them which means that the homeopath needs to know what that is. I’ve told you this before: if three people come to a homeopath with ‘flu’ involving aches and pains and fever but one of them says that the worst is the headache, and one says the worst is the nausea and one says the worst is the sore throat, they’ll get three different remedies. Although my hellhounds’ digestion is the presenting problem, ‘unpredictable outbreaks of double-ended geysering’ is of limited diagnostic usefulness^ and what Aethelstan was interested in is the ‘mentals’ in response to the first remedy, which were basically that Chaos got gloomy and lugubrious and Darkness got chirpy and cheerful, which is pretty much the opposite of their normal selves.
So that’s the hellhounds sorted with two fresh remedies.^^ Whereupon we came to the hellterror, and I told him depressedly about the disastrous show, and that Olivia had suggested that I might want to look for a behaviourist within my reach in the south of England. And he said mildly, I don’t think you have a problem dog and I don’t think you need a behaviourist at this point. I think you have a year-old puppy, a terrier, and an ordinary pet dog that had never seen anything like a big dog show before. Aethelstan is a terrier person himself, so he has more of a clue than most of the other people I’ve spoken to about what happened. You mean I’m not a bad person? That would be wonderful. I told him what I was doing off the long list of suggestions Southdowner made for giving Pav a wider experience of the world and he said he thought that sounded fine—while agreeing that we do need to address what he tactfully calls the ‘residual fear’ from her more important meltdown at the local vets’ last spring when she was so ill and miserable. So she’s got a new remedy too . . . and I feel so much better about the whole situation I may venture on the perilous course of testing her long down at the dog-friendly pub soon.
^ There are pages and pages and PAGES of diarrhoea remedies in any homeopathic textbook.
^^ I wish.
†† I don’t think we’re at the end of any roads or anything, but at least I feel we’re moving again.
††† Or how I’m going to pay for it.
Tabitha—my Bowen-massage lady—seems to have mauled us worse than usual today. Peter and I were both blundering around this evening saying I’m shattered . . . . bluuuuuuh . . . I’m shattered. Bluuuuuuuh.*
So I had this idea I’d respond to some forum comments. . . .
Have I mentioned lately that I HATE MY PRINTER? I hate my printer. Hate. Hate.
. . . I *so understand*. For several hours yesterday I was TRYING to get our new office computer to “see” the new . . . printer. After *eventually* succeeding… it printed gibberish. . . . That’s when I discovered that, in all likelihood, there ARE no compatible drivers… AARRGGGGHHHH
And . . . I re-discovered this gem from The Oatmeal . . .
Why I Believe Printers Were Sent From Hell To Make Us Miserable
Anyone who hasn’t read this should immediately remedy this error. If you’ve been having a BAD TECHNOLOGY DAY read it twice. I wasn’t having a bad technology day till a few minutes ago possibly because I haven’t been near a computer till a few minutes ago since this morning. But my laptop immediately engaged with this distressing situation and after the first few copy-and-pastes from the forum to give me something to hang a post on in the absence of any brain activity . . . when I clicked back to the forum again there was an error message. There has been an ERROR on this page, it declared. Do you want to continue to jambledubfred the garbonzoleach? Yes. No. Clicking on yes . . . nothing happened. Clicking on no . . . nothing happened. Trying to close the window made it flash smartly and go DING!, and no, it did not close. Refreshing the page produced exactly the same non-result.
I saved your comments. I closed everything down. IE struggled furiously, like a rabbit in a lurcher’s mouth or possibly an old-fashioned vampire impaled on an old-fashioned stake, before that cool Buffy before-the-watershed TV-friendly splintering into ash thing, but eventually inertia** overcame it and it disappeared up its own . . . fundament. Squish.
I turned everything on again. —GARGLE ARGLE BARGLE DARGLE. The last time Raphael was here he re-installed Skype, which doesn’t like the laptop, AND NOW IT WON’T NOT LAUNCH*** WHEN I TURN THIS DRANGLEFLAMPING COMPUTER ON.† Raphael told me exactly what to do to make it stop and . . . I GET AN ERROR MESSAGE SAYING CHIZTOGMALIFRY DOGGLE DOODAH RATCHET, TOUCH THAT MENU AND DIE. Raphael is coming again on Thursday. For this among other things.
Tonight’s interesting IE error message has disappeared. That’s the good thing. But every web address now goes on for about a mile and a half. It should be, for example, robinmckinleysblog.com, not robinmckinleysblog.com/?ezekielGRINCH!!Vladgormenghast~2.45qh ZORGliarliarpantsonfire+/-stupidbloodyfrelling=ARRRRRGH/?#094gx2% . . . Maybe the laptop is just jealous that the printer is getting too much attention?
Oh, and further to yesterday’s fascinating tale . . . my new chequebook arrived with the wrong name printed on the cheques. They’ve got it right on the frelling address . . . BUT THEY’VE GOT IT WRONG ON THE CHEQUES. This makes those transferring-bank-details phone calls even more stomachache-inducing.†† And is the name the same on the new account, Mrs Dickinson? Er—yes—er—well, it will be. What’s that you are saying, Mrs Dickinson? NOTHING. NOTHING. YES, IT’S THE SAME NAME.†††
Let me leave you with something that the fabulous gryphyn found for our delectation and delight.
Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. . . .
* * *
* Which is probably why I fell down and rolled over for the Battersea Dogs and Cats Home http://www.battersea.org.uk/ begging person when he knocked on my door and started telling me how much it costs to save critters. I KNOW. I ALREADY GIVE MONEY TO THE DOGS TRUST. http://www.dogstrust.org.uk/ Well, now I give money to the Battersea lot too. He totally had me^ as soon as he asked me if any of the hellpack are rescues. Um . . . no . . . I am a bad person. Fine, he says, sign here.
^ Possibly also because I was out in the garden frelling watering and hating that almost as much as PRINTERS. I have barely done any GARDENING in weeks because I’m wasting so much time WAAAAAAATERING.+ So I’m busy feeling guilty about all my neglected plants too.
+ Someone, I think on the forum, suggested getting one of those leaky-hose watering systems installed. Not unless SHADOWS is a major best-seller. Even the low-tech# versions cost kind of a lot.## And I’d still be watering all the stuff in front by hand. And complaining.
# That evil word again
## Do it MYSELF? You’re joking, right? I, who can’t weed without sticking the trowel in my hand at least once, and who can’t water without pouring water all over my feet?
** And screaming
*** with its ever-so-charming sound effects
† I have no idea if it works. Skype? Me? Are you kidding? But it’s one of those things your publisher thinks you should have, like having a flu jab every winter just in case, which I don’t either. Have. A flu jab.
†† Note that Credit Card Diabolus in Musica’s queue is still twenty minutes long today. Have I mentioned that my other credit card answered the phone in ten seconds, after a negligible battering by a robot voice? I have written Diabolus an email. They haven’t answered. Surprise. I am warming up to write a letter to the charity Diabolus is fronting, or maybe it’s the other way around. You want my .00000000002 pence worth every time I buy something? THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR BANK.
††† Well, it’s the same person. It’s the same negligible income.