I HATE TECHNOLOGY, continued

 

This is going to be a long series.

I was already risking a lot of bad language, despite having given myself a Severe Talking To, after the post about SNOW in southern England in March, to the general impact of, I will not crush every blog post with a superabundance of CAPITAL LETTERS, italic and bold, nor will I drown every paragraph with EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!  I will learn to be calm, calm, calm, CALM!!!!!!!*

So I was risking serious off-the-rails-ness by my choice of next blog topic, which was to be entitled Learning Curve, because I was going to figure out how to post a photo, specifically of the hellpair, gloriously taken on Pooka II.**  But the thing about photos is that they’re worth a thousand words per, right?  Whereupon you don’t have to write them.  And while I have no intention of getting sucked back into a blog post every night, still, and especially while I’m still trying to rouse this new beast into robust*** life&, I don’t want too many days going by between posts.

AS IT HAPPENS this week was always going to be kind of a monster&& because Raphael has been trying to finish this ghastly migration business when he hauls my electronic/on line/digital life/lives from an assortment of FLAMINGLY INCOMPETENT servers and plonks me down into . . . well, I’m sure it’ll turn out to be flamingly incompetent too in its own way and time, but in the first place there is only one of it, which makes a change, and second IT’S ALL RAPHAEL’S PROBLEM.&&&

But that doesn’t mean that the process is going according to plan.%  Plus before the migration thing ever got scheduled I had two, count ’em, two concerts this week, yesterday and today, which was still going to be more or less all right because Raphael was coming on Tuesday . . . and then he had a drop-everything emergency so he came on Wednesday.  Yesterday.  Day of first concert.  And Fiona and I got back later than planned last night because the frelling road home was closed and her satnav had a nervous breakdown.%%  She then made the mistake of coming indoors for a sit-down that wasn’t in a car . . . and was treated to a magnificent, many-splendoured meltdown%%% when I discovered that the migration had migrated away from here and was doubtless sitting on a beach somewhere drinking swirly colourful things out of beautiful frosty glasses with paper parasols ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.$

I spent a lot of time on the phone with Raphael today.

And then there was the second concert tonight$$.  And the frelling road home was CLOSED AGAIN.$$$

But I was GOING TO POST TONIGHT since I didn’t do it last night.  And I have this photo of the hellpair . . . which with vast, agonising effort I managed, first, to send from Pooka to Outlook since I have no idea how to tell Pooka to send to the blog, and then with truly heroic vast, agonising effort I managed to transfer the photo out of my email to a brand-new folder!!!!!!, on the desktop, which I more or less remembered from the old blog I’d be able to access from the ‘new post’ page.

I went there.  I hit ‘add media’.  I hit ‘select files’.  I hit ‘hellpair.’  I hit ‘upload’.

AND IT SAID, THIS TYPE OF FILE IS FORBIDDEN FOR SECURITY REASONS.

* * *

* Heaven knows I’m old^ enough.

^ Stop that.+

+ STOP THAT.#

# Snarlsnarlsnarlsnarlsnarl!!!!!!

** They’re right about selfies, by the way—the hypesters, I mean.  I don’t know when this (r)evolution in applied horror began but I can tell you that the iPhone X takes magnificent selfies.  AAAAAAAAAAAUGH.  I am aware that, along with the list of books by erm erm erm ahem I need to paste memorably and flamboyantly and soon all over the blog’s opening page^ I should also provide a photo of the perpetrator, and it would be easier, simpler and cheaper^^ if I could do this at home.  Well, it still will be easier, simpler and cheaper, but it’s not going to be soon.  My delete-button finger is developing a callus.

^ Read this blog!  I am a PROFESSIONAL WRITER!  Never mind that this blog exposes me as a cranky technophobic halfwit who overuses all available media for EMPHASIS!

^^ Aside from the price of Pooka II herself

*** A word that is rapidly losing its meaning because of the way British politicians throw it around.  You know that when Theresa May says ‘the government will mount a robust response’ that’s not what she means.  The word deserves better.  So does the government, come to that.

& Robust and snarling life.

&& Even aside from the weather.  Most of which has melted, by the way, the snow, I mean, around here.  There are still remains of snowpersons and gleams of snowbanks from dark shadows.  But the March That Was isn’t over yet, as any of you living almost anywhere in the right-hand two-thirds of the USA^ are well aware of.  New York City was closed yesterday, Boston is closed today and the Midwest isn’t happy either.  I had an East-Coast friend due here tomorrow and her flight was cancelled.  I think the airport was cancelled.  They’re going to turn it into a Walmart with an eight-screen cinema and a drive-through McDonald’s.

^ And possibly the Pacific Northwest, where it isn’t supposed to snow any more than it is in southern England.

&&& When Blogmom and Raphael/Blogdad were trying to parcel out the misery between them there was a lot more room for incompetence to build momentum.  IT’S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT NOW.^

^ I hope Blogdad does not develop the habit of reading Days in the Life posts.  I want him to sleep at night.+

+ THEY’RE GETTING A PUPPY.  SOON.   YAAAAAAAAAAY.  Speaking of sleep, though.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Well, they’ve survived three human babies.  They’ll cope with a puppy.

% Starting with giving myself tendonitis doing an epic clear-out of email so as to have less to migrate.  Ow.  Furthermore the hellterror goes on the right—my group-delete hand.^  So you’ve got a hand that doesn’t close and an elbow that doesn’t bend and a thirty-pound heat-seeking missile on the end of a long extending lead and . . .

^ Deleting a few selfies is easy.

%% This is not the same satnav that brought us to a sewage treatment plant and said ‘you have arrived at your destination’^ when we were trying to find the cinema.^^  But this new one is obviously a near blood relative.

^ In Billy Connolly’s voice BEFORE SHE TURNED IT OFF.  Satnav-voice jokes are only funny once. 

^^ This was several years ago, and old-blog readers have already seen this story.

%%% I was already not in a good mood when Pooka, applied to at the concert venue for driving distances to another concert, declared that she couldn’t tell me anything because she wasn’t connected to the internet.  My provider said ‘log in’ and then wouldn’t let me.  And then it told me my account was off line anyway and to try again later.  ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH.^

^ Fiona promised, when she finally left last night, that she hadn’t heard any language she hadn’t heard before.

$ I HOPE IT SNOWS

$$ You know you book these things months in advance when the tour dates come out, because you’re only going to get the one shot at anything remotely in your area^ and if two bands you happen to want to hear are on consecutive nights at opposite ends of your bailiwick,^^ well, that’s just the way it is.

^ This doesn’t stop Fiona, who is happy to drive to Aberdeen for a concert she fancies.  She doesn’t have hellcritters.+

+ Also, she is mad.#

# Hey, she’s the one taught me to knit.  ’Nuff said.

^^ Fortunately I have more than one friend who is willing to do the driving.+

+ I’m actually thinking of getting a satnav.#  But we won’t go there tonight.##

# I’m looking for one that specifies ‘no sewage treatment plants’.

## We won’t go there!  Hahahahahahahahaha!

$$$ And remember what I said about ‘opposite ends of your bailiwick’?  Yeah.

17 thoughts on “I HATE TECHNOLOGY, continued”

  1. Pooka II can be used as a sat nav with a Maps program, mostly. Have to keep it plugged in to power if it’s a long trip is all.

    The aforementioned Pacific Northwest may be getting snow overnight, but they can’t tell for sure yet if we’ll be quite cold enough. We may only get rain and hail and a small windstorm instead. 😱

      1. whoops. I did this as a reply instead of comment. Now I can’t work out how to fix it. See original reply as to why.

  2. See if you can get the app for Waze on your phone. It is good about suggesting alternate routes if there is a road closing or wreck.

    I hope the weather improves soon! I am coming over April 19th and DO NOT WANT TO SEE SNOW!!

  3. My father-in-law’s satnav (of which he was very proud) once took him to an obscure tiny street in a far off suburb rather than the MAJOR road he was looking for. (He was showing its capabilities off at the time…)

  4. *is laughing hard , trying not to spray anything (like tea for example!) all over the keyboard ,and shouting at the screen “YES this so much!!! “* 😀
    “Cranky Technophobic halfwit” ok, forget trying not to spray my tea *cough cough splutter* Like Nat , I would also pay good money to wear a shirt with this on!!!
    and treating your friend to” a magnificent, many-splendored meltdown ” love it!!!!!
    Did I mention I missed reading your blog posts? *wipes tears off face and wears silly grin instead*

    I must have missed the one about the Satnav sewage treatment plant episode in past blogs. So it’s new to me, makes it even more funny (hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!)
    Satnavs are *all* temperamental. There are no exceptions to the rule …sooo you might want to keep that in mind if you decide to go for it. ? 😉 Ours kept trying to tell us to “turn left. make a left turn now ” while we were on a motorway travelling across Europe. Yeah cos turning left , across a barrier, directly into the next line of oncoming traffic on a motorway at high speed is such a good idea… or the time following it’s instructions would have meant driving through a fence or ten and across several farmers fields to reach another road it decided to take us on. Great. Oh or the time we actually needed it to work while we were driving through the Alps and it decided to lose signal completely and freeze up while we wondered where we should be going….
    Not that I’m trying to put you off 😛 just that you will possibly also need to buy a swear box to use at the same time XD

    The photo upload issue sounds like something for Blogdad to sort for you 🙂
    Hope the weather improves soon

  5. I’m glad to see you blogging again. I hope Kes will be migrated since I had never finished reading it. I realized this a couple of months ago, and started over at the beginning.

    Here’s hoping that your tech woes are solved soon.

  6. Your blog is back! I’m so happy to see this! I’ve read all of your new posts, and it is a great relief to “hear” your voice again — I missed you! And I’d been worried about you.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us once again. And please accept my condolences on the passing of Darkness.

  7. Okay I’m in AZ at my Mom’s and it’s eighty degrees. So it’s hard to sympathize about snow, but I’ve been evacuated so many times in the last year because of fire and rain in SoCal that I feel defeated which is worse than being pissed off IMO. I do admire you for finding a worthy outlet for your anger. But mostly I am so happy you are back online. Sending tons of affection to you in S. England.

  8. Port Townsend, WA, USA is nice. Sunnier, colder, drier and windier than Seattle. Large writing community, and abundant dogs. Coyotes, deer, otters and eagles are common. Snow is rare, and it never gets hot. Consider a visit in summer: Seventh July through seventh September is very nice.

  9. It snowed in the South in the US yesterday, too. My poor hydrangeas are feeling positively attacked. This morning we went to see A Wrinkle in Time. I have always felt it was a tragedy that I would never see Aerin on a big screen per your feelings on the matter, but after seeing the frelling BUTCHERY that was made of Ms. L’Engle’s story I came to tell you to stand firm. Some stories don’t belong in the hands of people who don’t respect them.

  10. Um, the Pacific Northwest is not just Seattle and Puget Sound. Parts of it get tons of snow (Paradise for instance gets about 50 to 60 feet every year). Some of it is desert.

    Weather in the PNW is weird and not at all reliable.

    1. Yupper. I’m one that chooses to live in the desert 😉 We got a little skiff of snow this year and I like it JUST FINE that way, having once lived in Central WA where Winter lasts 8 months.

  11. When I moved into my new apartment I bought a new desk. All bright and shiny for my pc to adorn. I plugged everything in, turned on the monitor and nothing. It said it could not connect to properly via the HDMI port Aargh. I switched my other monitor still nothing. Thinking how fragile and delicate the HDMI cables are I removed the able and ensured every tiny litle pin was straighting and able to go into every said comparable hole in the other end. I tried again. Nothing. Now this is just after I had to update the drivers on my graphics card. I re-installed the drivers and could find no issues. So off to the computer store for a new HDMI cable. Where I purchased for money, gold dubloons and the life of my first born child a new HDMI cable. The ones that last are expensive or so the sales clerk told me with glee. I replaced the cable and nope, no HDMI port recognized. So I get the other cable out and connect from the DV port to the HDMI port and it works. So after spending money on a cable I don’t need I discover that the HDMI port has blown on my PC. And this is the computer I do my graphics for the film on. So after paying off my new furniture. I sent all my old stuff to the recyclers. I am going to have to shell out for a new computer. And yes I tested my monitor with another HDMI source and it works fine Aargh.

  12. Not necessarily a technology issue, per say, but as it was happening while hunched over a computer and poking my stats models to get them to run, I think it counts:

    After a particularly trying afternoon spent making minute adjustments to my stats models and recording progress in my lab journal, it brightened the tedium to pretend that I was Aerin, experimenting with the Kennet recipe; making all those little does changes and recording the effects 🙂

  13. I guess I’m madder than Fiona cause I’ve DRIVEN from Kentucky to California TWICE for concerts. But then I don’t have blood in my veins, it’s music notes. And I’d be in California this weekend if I had the money.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

15 − 13 =