Robin McKinley's Web Site .:. Robin McKinley's Blog

Robin McKinley

Official Web Forum

Home » Discussion Forums » Blog Post Discussion » Death is a low chemical trick...
Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29883] Thu, 27 May 2010 19:53 Go to next message
Black Bear  is currently offline Black Bear
Messages: 3216
Registered: September 2008
Location: Indianapolis, IN USA
Senior Member
[Moderator]

and it is, too. Sad


"The time is always right to do what's right."--MLK Jr.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29892 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 20:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Vikkik  is currently offline Vikkik
Messages: 343
Registered: October 2008
Location: Near Windsor
Senior Member

Oh Robin Sad

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. And that there's not better news about Luke.
It sounds as if today has been one of those days where you just want to rail at the unfairness of the universe.

*sends hugs, Green and Blacks, and a punching bag*


Don't worry about the dust bunnies, they're just here to guard the treasure.....
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29897 is a reply to message #29892 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 20:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Melissa Mead  is currently offline Melissa Mead
Messages: 991
Registered: October 2008
Location: Albany, NY, USA
Senior Member
I'm so sorry.


Member of Carpe Libris: http://carpelibris.wordpress.com/
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29900 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 22:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
glinda  is currently offline glinda
Messages: 59
Registered: January 2009
Location: Bainbridge Island, WA
Member

I am so sorry.

This poem is the one I read at a friend's memorial service a few years ago... made it through without quite breaking down. (I very very seldom write poetry; Millay has said it all for me. *wry*)


"Dirge without music" - Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.




Still will I harvest beauty where it grows... -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29901 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 22:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Guest
ee cummings is my poetry weapon of choice

when god lets my body be

From each brave eye shall sprout a tree
fruit dangles therefrom

the purpled world will dance upon
Between my lips which did sing

a rose shall beget the spring
that maidens whom passions wastes

will lay between their little breasts
My strong fingers beneath the snow

Into strenous birds shall go
my love walking in the grass

their wings will touch with their face
and all the while shall my heart be

With the bulge and nuzzle of the sea
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29902 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 22:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Catlady  is currently offline Catlady
Messages: 230
Registered: December 2008
Location: Aurora, Colorado
Senior Member
For all we sought and missed, or left unclaimed,
for all the dreams we had and lost, for youth,
ruffling his hair, suppled by Time, and tamed,
for love denied, or seen with too much truth,
for faith, like a sword, with long misprision rusted,
for all adventure, before the quest is ended,
abandoned or betrayed, for the beauty misted
by the half-lights of vision, for pity attended
with the bitterness of those who take and give,
for heavens, that had they been accessible,
were heavens only by the side of hell,
for all of us who die, before we live,
for all the crippled feet on the long road
You made for angels, we forgive You, God.

-Humbert Wolfe


This poem is the only one that has ever made me cry. I'll light a candle for your friend, and you, and all of us who have to live in a broken world.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29903 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 22:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
judith  is currently offline judith
Messages: 246
Registered: October 2008
Location: United States
Senior Member
Quote:

Blood, spit and damnation, but this system sucks. I want to speak to the management.

I agree completely. If I were a god designing a world, every single living creature would be immortal and photosynthetic.

I'm sorry you're in a position to have this world's really lousy rules brought into stark contrast right now... Sad
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29904 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 22:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
kalaidiscope  is currently offline kalaidiscope
Messages: 59
Registered: December 2008
Location: Australia
Member
Regarding my inability to write anything appropriate about death or poetry, except that I came very early to a love of Emily...

I found the words for every thought
I ever had but one
And that defies me,
As hand did try to chalk the sun,
to races nurtured in the dark
How would your own begin?
Can blaze be shown in Cochineal,
Or noon in Mazarin?
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29905 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 23:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Stephanie  is currently offline Stephanie
Messages: 89
Registered: October 2008
Location: Batavia, Ohio, USA
Member
I'm very sorry to hear that your friend is seriously ill, you have my sympathy. I am so thankful that you had the chance to visit, and to perhaps share with them how special to you they are. There are a few goodbyes I wish I could have said in person instead of in prayer afterwards.

Thanks to you and everyone for sharing the poems - all were very beautiful.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29906 is a reply to message #29883 ] Thu, 27 May 2010 23:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mirkat  is currently offline Mirkat
Messages: 99
Registered: May 2010
Location: Wherever the Navy takes u...
Member
As a side note, giant sequoias really are quite stunning... you're just walking along in a normal forest when BAM you enter another world... it's really humbling and, well, spiritual.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29908 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 00:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
SusFe
Messages: 27
Registered: May 2010
Junior Member
Quote:

Blood, spit and damnation, but this system sucks. I want to speak to the management.** The subordinate mortal bureaucracy is clearly run by idiots.


Word. Death is clearly an error in the system. Either that, or the management has truly reprehensible taste and/or needs to be fired for incompetency. (Which, y'know, might explain some things.) I wish I had a beautiful bit of poetry to share, but I'm more prone to recipies than rhymes, particularly when under stress.

I'm sending lots of positive thoughts in your direction, flagged to the attention of the management. Hopefully they'll read their mail for once.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29910 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 01:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fake Frenchie
Messages: 506
Registered: November 2008
Location: France
Senior Member
That Robert Frost poem brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry that your friend is dying and that Luke isn't going to get any better.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29911 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 01:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
L.R.K.  is currently offline L.R.K.
Messages: 1081
Registered: October 2008
Location: Sweden
Senior Member
So sorry, Robin.

"The flame also reminds us that life is precious, as each flame is unique. When it goes out, it's gone forever. And there will never be another quite like it."

(Delenn in B5, fifth season episode And All My Dreams, Torn Asunder)


Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean, like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29913 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 02:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
danceswithpahis  is currently offline danceswithpahis
Messages: 380
Registered: October 2008
Senior Member
So sorry to hear about Luke and about your other friend, and sorry that both are happening at once. I too was going to post "Dirge Without Music". I had a friend share that one with me a few years ago when someone we both knew (not very well, but a person who was an integral part of our community) was murdered at random. I think the line that speaks most to me is "More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world." I so often have people try to tell me happy, cheerful things about the death of those that I love ("They've gone to a better place," for example). I am even Christian, and believe in some of these things. I don't care. And if that makes me selfish, so be it. Roses and other lovely things may come from my loved ones' deaths; I would still rather have them alive.

[Updated on: Fri, 28 May 2010 02:48]


"Oh good! My dog found the chainsaw!"

-- Lilo ("Lilo and Stitch")
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29915 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 04:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
bonniebythepeak  is currently offline bonniebythepeak
Messages: 76
Registered: April 2010
Location: Colorado, USA
Member
"...A time to speak, and a time to be silent..."

*reads your poems, sits down near you, says nothing, for in these moments, there are no good words*


"All their life... had only been the cover and title page, now at last, they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story." C.S. Lewis
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29916 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 06:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NotLonely  is currently offline NotLonely
Messages: 164
Registered: October 2008
Location: SA
Senior Member
I'm so sorry. While this is what I believe, I would still rather have some people back and whole. A candle for you, and for the ones you love.

Forefathers (Birago Diop, Senegal)

Listen more often to things rather than beings.
Hear the fire's voice,
Hear the voice of the water.
In the wind hear the sobbing of the trees,
It is our forefathers breathing.
The dead are not gone forever.
They are in the paling shadows
And in the darkening shadows.

The dead are not beneath the ground,
They are in the rustling tree,
In the murmuring wood,
In the still water,
In the flowing water,
In the lonely place, in the crowd;
The dead are not dead.

Listen more often to things rather than beings.
Hear the fire's voice.
Hear the voice of water.
In the wind hear the sobbing of the trees.
It is the breathing of our forefathers
Who are not gone, not beneath the ground,
Not dead.


The dead are not gone forever.
They are in a woman's breast,
A child's crying, a glowing ember.
The dead are not beneath the earth,
They are in the flickering fire,
In the weeping plant, the groaning rock,
The wooded place, the home.
The dead are not dead.

Listen more often to things rather than beings.
Hear the fire's voice,
Hear the voice of water.
In the wind hear the sobbing of the trees.
It is the breath of our forefathers.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29919 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 13:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin  is currently offline Robin
Messages: 6007
Registered: September 2008
Location: England
Senior Member
[Hellgoddess]
Thanks everyone. I can't deal with any of this right now but THANK YOU.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #29924 is a reply to message #29915 ] Fri, 28 May 2010 13:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
judith  is currently offline judith
Messages: 246
Registered: October 2008
Location: United States
Senior Member
bonniebythepeak wrote on Fri, 28 May 2010 04:59

*reads your poems, sits down near you, says nothing, for in these moments, there are no good words*

Well said indeed.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30036 is a reply to message #29883 ] Mon, 31 May 2010 14:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
shalea  is currently offline shalea
Messages: 781
Registered: October 2008
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina, ...
Senior Member
As I lost my own grandmother two weeks ago, I can only offer sympathy and shared tears.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30039 is a reply to message #29883 ] Mon, 31 May 2010 16:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
mayasings  is currently offline mayasings
Messages: 186
Registered: July 2009
Location: Jerusalem
Senior Member

so sorry.


"they say that absence makes the heart grow fungus".
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30045 is a reply to message #30036 ] Mon, 31 May 2010 21:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin  is currently offline Robin
Messages: 6007
Registered: September 2008
Location: England
Senior Member
[Hellgoddess]
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. . . .
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30053 is a reply to message #29883 ] Mon, 31 May 2010 22:52 Go to previous messageGo to next message
holmes44  is currently offline holmes44
Messages: 706
Registered: October 2008
Location: Sutton,Quebec
Senior Member

we just buried my god father on Saturday,sadly it was a blessing as he was in the last stages of Alzheimers.my sympathies robin.


Bonnie Holmes the faster ahead I go, the more behind I get
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30136 is a reply to message #30053 ] Fri, 04 June 2010 04:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NotLonely  is currently offline NotLonely
Messages: 164
Registered: October 2008
Location: SA
Senior Member
Shalea, and Holmes44, I'm so sorry.


Life always, always finds a way.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30142 is a reply to message #29900 ] Fri, 04 June 2010 17:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
CathyR  is currently offline CathyR
Messages: 575
Registered: July 2009
Location: NW England
Senior Member
This is just beautiful, glinda. Thank you for sharing it with us. I went to the funeral last week of a good friend made through bellringing, and I wish I'd known this to write in my card to his wife.

Thinking of you Robin, so sorry to hear about both your friend and Luke.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30145 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 04 June 2010 19:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
prairiehil  is currently offline prairiehil
Messages: 34
Registered: May 2009
Member
I'm so sorry. I will be thinking about you and your friends.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30148 is a reply to message #30142 ] Fri, 04 June 2010 20:18 Go to previous messageGo to next message
glinda  is currently offline glinda
Messages: 59
Registered: January 2009
Location: Bainbridge Island, WA
Member

CathyR:

Thank you. (It's been a rough couple of weeks - a friend had an emergency C-section at 25 weeks, and the baby lived for a week and a half - we lost her last Friday. There aren't words for how ... gah. words? Don't have.)




Still will I harvest beauty where it grows... -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30155 is a reply to message #29883 ] Fri, 04 June 2010 21:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
bonniebythepeak  is currently offline bonniebythepeak
Messages: 76
Registered: April 2010
Location: Colorado, USA
Member
Glinda:

There are no good words. I pray for your comfort and peace.


"All their life... had only been the cover and title page, now at last, they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story." C.S. Lewis
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30166 is a reply to message #30155 ] Sat, 05 June 2010 02:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
CathyR  is currently offline CathyR
Messages: 575
Registered: July 2009
Location: NW England
Senior Member
I've been thinking of these poems, and this thread, in the light of the dreadful events in Cumbria this week (12 people shot dead by a man on a mad 45 mile drive around the county).

And I realised how fortunate I am, how small and trivial my own life concerns are, and just how inappropriate it is to get upset when my bellringing doesn't go well, when you all and others are experiencing such sadness.

A salutory reminder for me.

Thank you all.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30174 is a reply to message #30166 ] Sat, 05 June 2010 10:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin  is currently offline Robin
Messages: 6007
Registered: September 2008
Location: England
Senior Member
[Hellgoddess]
Yes . . . but also no. Remember that if it hurts it hurts. We used to go round and round about this in my group therapy group, as if hurt could be standardised. IF IT HURTS IT HURTS. Of course you give support to the bereaved and the literally injured and the one-way-or-another-not-coping but don't belittle yourself because you're not in that category.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30175 is a reply to message #30174 ] Sat, 05 June 2010 11:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
AJLR  is currently offline AJLR
Messages: 2566
Registered: September 2008
Location: England, UK
Senior Member
[Moderator]
Yes - 'feelings are facts'. If someone feels a particular way - sadness, hurt, depression, whatever, in response to particular circumstances, then that is how they feel. It's irrelevant for someone else to say 'Oh, I don't think you should feel that way' or 'I wouldn't have felt that' - or even to imply that the feeling is unjustified in some way. It's like those well-meaning (giving them the benefit of the doubt) folk who tell someone who is seriously, ie clinically, depressed to cheer up, or 'get a grip'. Yeah, sure, that's really going to change things for the better!

I'm extremely fortunate in not having had black dogs sitting on my own shoulders but I've seen that sort of attitude directed at someone else and it drives me nuts. [/rant]


"Never let a computer know you're in a hurry."
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30184 is a reply to message #30174 ] Sat, 05 June 2010 15:27 Go to previous messageGo to next message
glinda  is currently offline glinda
Messages: 59
Registered: January 2009
Location: Bainbridge Island, WA
Member

CathyR: What Robin said. (I too have had the therapy round or three, and still sometimes get ambushed by the pain-comparison thing, telling myself that I really have it easy compared to some. And then having guilt feelings on top of whatever pain. *wry*)

I don't have answers, other than knowing the best thing we can do is try to be kind to ourselves and comfort each other.




Still will I harvest beauty where it grows... -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30195 is a reply to message #29883 ] Sun, 06 June 2010 01:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
SoItGoes31  is currently offline SoItGoes31
Messages: 34
Registered: October 2008
Location: Davis
Member
Quote:

It's like those well-meaning (giving them the benefit of the doubt) folk who tell someone who is seriously, ie clinically, depressed to cheer up, or 'get a grip'. Yeah, sure, that's really going to change things for the better!

I'm extremely fortunate in not having had black dogs sitting on my own shoulders but I've seen that sort of attitude directed at someone else and it drives me nuts. [/rant]


As someone with clinical depression, it's really heartwarming to know that there are people like you who will stick up for us, AJLR. <3
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30202 is a reply to message #30195 ] Sun, 06 June 2010 08:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
AJLR  is currently offline AJLR
Messages: 2566
Registered: September 2008
Location: England, UK
Senior Member
[Moderator]
There's lots of really sensible people on this forum, SoItGoes, who realise that just because one can't see an illness/vulnerability doesn't mean it isn't there. Smile

Very best wishes for your own situation resolving positively in the end.


"Never let a computer know you're in a hurry."
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30218 is a reply to message #30202 ] Sun, 06 June 2010 10:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin  is currently offline Robin
Messages: 6007
Registered: September 2008
Location: England
Senior Member
[Hellgoddess]
Yes. Menopause has introduced me to depression, thank you *very* much, so kind, and of course I have a decade of experience of ME, which is another of those imaginary, malingering, get-a-grip diseases. One of the things I find helpful when I'm feeling more than usually kicked in the head, is to remember that [generalisation alet] most people are horses' asses out of FEAR. If it's imaginary or if it's your fault (as many far-from-imaginary diseases are sometimes seen) then it won't happen to THEM.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30262 is a reply to message #30174 ] Mon, 07 June 2010 04:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
judith  is currently offline judith
Messages: 246
Registered: October 2008
Location: United States
Senior Member
Robin wrote on Sat, 05 June 2010 10:41

Remember that if it hurts it hurts. We used to go round and round about this in my group therapy group, as if hurt could be standardised. IF IT HURTS IT HURTS. Of course you give support to the bereaved and the literally injured and the one-way-or-another-not-coping but don't belittle yourself because you're not in that category.

I remember when I was in my mid-20s and was having a rather terrifying medical problem. The young surgeon with whom I dealt, whom I really liked and admired greatly in all other respects, got rather short with me one day and told me to "keep in mind the people whose problems were so much worse than mine". ???? Excuse me? Because some people's problems are worse than mine means I shouldn't be trying my damndest to find out the most about my own situation and to get as healthy as possible? Because he was generally such a good guy, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he'd been having a bad day -- perhaps had seen some really depressing problem or a series of such before seeing me. Doesn't make what he said right, but might put it in perspective.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30269 is a reply to message #30262 ] Mon, 07 June 2010 13:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
CathyR  is currently offline CathyR
Messages: 575
Registered: July 2009
Location: NW England
Senior Member
As an OT, I do a lot of assessments on behalf of charities such as the Royal British Legion with people who have requested assistance with provision of items such as mobility scooters, powered wheelchairs or electric riser/recliner chairs. I come across so many, who are really struggling and have been so for such a long time, who say "I didn't want to ask for any help, I can manage, there are so many people who have more problems than I have, who are worse off than me".

I always try to explain that they shouldn't compare their situations with those of others, that their own problems are real, and that their quality of life is no less adversely affected, simply because someone else may have "worse" symptoms, or be in "more" pain. But it is clearly very difficult for some proud, independent people to accept this.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30272 is a reply to message #30269 ] Mon, 07 June 2010 15:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin  is currently offline Robin
Messages: 6007
Registered: September 2008
Location: England
Senior Member
[Hellgoddess]
Proud and independent, yes, but also the ones who don't think they're worth the trouble. I come from a shrink background, so those are the ones I'm used to. 'Oh never mind me, spend your time on someone who's WORTH IT.' Sometimes this is manipulative but often they're just telling the truth as they understand it. Get it a lot in the homeopathic clinic too. They're there because they're desperate but they don't want to admit it because they're afraid you're going to sneer and tell them to pull themselves together. Sigh. What a world.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30273 is a reply to message #30272 ] Mon, 07 June 2010 16:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
CathyR  is currently offline CathyR
Messages: 575
Registered: July 2009
Location: NW England
Senior Member
Robin wrote on Mon, 07 June 2010 15:07

'Oh never mind me, spend your time on someone who's WORTH IT.'


Absolutely, I hear that all the time. And a particular slant on it nowadays is "spend the money on the soldiers coming back from Afghanistan, they need a scooter / wheelchair more than I do".

As if age makes you less "worth it".



Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30278 is a reply to message #29883 ] Mon, 07 June 2010 17:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
SoItGoes31  is currently offline SoItGoes31
Messages: 34
Registered: October 2008
Location: Davis
Member
You guys are wonderful. That is all.
Re: Death is a low chemical trick... [message #30279 is a reply to message #30273 ] Mon, 07 June 2010 18:29 Go to previous messageGo to previous message
Robin  is currently offline Robin
Messages: 6007
Registered: September 2008
Location: England
Senior Member
[Hellgoddess]
Indeed. But SOCIETY TELLS US THAT IS TRUE: that old people are worth LESS. This is a lot to buck against when you're not merely old but, you know, DEFECTIVE.

This made me crazy decades ago, long before I got OLD myself. :) (Bus pass in two and a half years! Yeep!)
Previous Topic:Chelsea Flower Show - guest post by AJLR
Next Topic:Mistwood by Leah Cypess
Goto Forum:
  


Current Time: Sat May 25 03:09:25 EDT 2013

Total time taken to generate the page: 0.16329 seconds
.:: Contact :: Home ::.

Powered by: FUDforum.
Copyright © FUD Forum Bulletin Board Software