Home » Discussion Forums » Blog Post Discussion » Not an entirely successful day
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35068 is a reply to message #35064 ] |
Mon, 11 October 2010 20:07   |
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 waltzjump
Messages: 17
Registered: March 2009
Location: USA, Midwest |
Junior Member |
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OH. oh-oh-ohohohoh-oh, may I, please, continue the rant?
I'm single and *gasp* 36 and, therefore, completely in need of every freaking person's advice on how to fix my clearly pitiable life and the number one blathering piece of drivel to which I must politely (or not so politely if I'm in a glaring mood) listen is -- wait for it -- "All you had to do was open your door and your heart and you would attract the people you were meant to attract."
Find a spoon, someone just gagged me.
First, I am not some closed-off raving lunatic. (Although you'd never know it by this post.) I am merely me (and sometimes myself and I) -- and I've been me for a very long time so I rather know who I am and happen to know that behaving differently to "snag a husband" would make me want to smack myself upside the head.
Second,... I have no idea what was second. I'm too peeved at people who always seem to think that THEIR choices are so much better than ~your~ choice and feel the desire to offer condescending questions* and advice.
It's not just being single or being a homeopath though is it? I get that from not pursuing theatre and I'm sure others get it for not having children (never mind the reason) and it wouldn't surprise me if nurses and veterinarians and florists hear it, too.
People who need to judge others as less or in need of fixing to make themselves feel better or more "in" bother me. It's just not nice.
And I'm Catholic, so I get a raving dose of guilt when I put them in their place. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot of fun on the rare occasion when you actually have a scathing reply instead of staircase wit 3 minutes later... but then I fret about hurting their feelings.
*Huzzah to Bridget Jones' Diary and the "Fine. How's your marriage?" answer to "How's your love life?" though. I actually get perverse glee from that nosy question now.
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35075 is a reply to message #35068 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 00:31 |
EMoon
Messages: 664
Registered: March 2009 |
Senior Member |
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There are many people apparently waiting in breathless anticipation of finding some reason to impose their choices/views/etc with great volume and determination.
Let's see: in childhood because I was a child of divorce (thus doomed to many bad things--no husband, or a failed marriage, no children, or horrible children, alcoholism and drug addition, etc.), an only child (gasp, horror, all only children are selfish unmannerly pigs), "too smart" (but "not as smart as you think you are"), too tall and too active (not dainty, not petite, not cute, not quiet and docile and so on), too loud. And "You always have your nose in a book" alternated with "You're too boisterous."
Then I had the wrong friends and didn't see why I couldn't have friends in all the cultures in our school. ("We don't play with people like that/invite people like that." "Why not?" "Because." "Because WHY?" "You KNOW why!" "No, I don't. Why?" Similar arguments extended on every side of every divide until I'd managed to annoy quite a lot of people by not caving in to their views.
Much of my life I've been slammed by both sides of an argument/position statement because...I wasn't a staunch adherent of either. A has some good points, but also some I can't agree with. B has some good points, but also some I can't agree with. So both A and B claim I belong to the other side. There was one now-hilarious physical situation in which, as a younger child, I was physically snatched from one large-bosomed woman to another and back as they had a loud political argument about the Armenian massacre (from the Armenian lady) or the vile calumny on the honor of Turks (from the Turkish lady), each of them using me (the only child in the library's lecture room) as a symbol of innocent childhood useful in their argument. I did not help the situation by speaking up as they mutually paused for breath and asking "But who's RIGHT? What REALLY happened?" Then they both let go of me (one had each arm at that moment) and started yelling at me.
And Robin's right--this sort of thing goes on in every group. I joined a butterfly listserv, thinking it would be a place of quiet, harmless entertainment talking about butterflies. No. Because it is possible to be so very, very wrong about how you talk about butterflies, and whether it's OK to put out rotted fruit baits for butterflies, and whether the less expert lepidopterists can be tolerated in such close proximity to Real Scientists, and whether sightings should be organized by location or by species and *which* list of species names should take precedence. Oh, and whether a state agency's biologist should have made a joke that annoyed one of the stuffier list members, using *taxpayer money* to INSULT him. (It was a joke. It was a mild joke.) It is one of the milder listservs I'm on, but still fraught with emotional stuf
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35078 is a reply to message #35064 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 04:34 |
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EMoon - I'm also an only child of divorced parents. can't say that I've had quite your experience, though. sounds like you got the rough end of the deal there.
the gall of people is what gets to us, imo, when they believe that no other opinion but theirs can matter or is right, that they have to shove it down our throats.
a friend of mine once basically told me that I should've taken the steps *she* has taken in her life and done everything like her, so that I could be where I want to be. how would she know where I want to be in life? I wouldn't do some of the things she's done (which would seem rather drastic to some, but on the other hand could be seen as doing everything you can to fulfill your dreams) because it's just-not-me. I don't appreciate being told things like that, and I'm sure nobody else does either.
as for the Cherub, Robin, blondviolinist has things right, I think  give him another chance.
"they say that absence makes the heart grow fungus".
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35079 is a reply to message #35075 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 09:16 |
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| EMoon wrote on Tue, 12 October 2010 00:31 |
And Robin's right--this sort of thing goes on in every group. I joined a butterfly listserv, thinking it would be a place of quiet, harmless entertainment talking about butterflies. No.
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Seriously. Yarn forums have it, too. Wood needles vs. metal needles. Wether handknit socks are worth it. How LYS (local yarn store) owners should worship everyone who walks into their store. Natural yarn vs. acrylic yarn. (BTW! Acrylic yarn is plastic and it melts under fire, so if you make baby things out of acrylic yarn, you hate babies and want their blankies to melt on them. Everyone who likes acrylic yarn wants melted babies! (No mention of the parents who leave their children near open fire.))
Nothing is safe. *shudder*
Smooshes!
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35081 is a reply to message #35079 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 10:04 |
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Angelia
Messages: 389
Registered: October 2008
Location: Southwest Missouri, USA |
Senior Member |
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| jmeadows wrote on Tue, 12 October 2010 08:16 |
| EMoon wrote on Tue, 12 October 2010 00:31 |
And Robin's right--this sort of thing goes on in every group. I joined a butterfly listserv, thinking it would be a place of quiet, harmless entertainment talking about butterflies. No.
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Seriously. Yarn forums have it, too. Wood needles vs. metal needles. Wether handknit socks are worth it. How LYS (local yarn store) owners should worship everyone who walks into their store. Natural yarn vs. acrylic yarn. (BTW! Acrylic yarn is plastic and it melts under fire, so if you make baby things out of acrylic yarn, you hate babies and want their blankies to melt on them. Everyone who likes acrylic yarn wants melted babies! (No mention of the parents who leave their children near open fire.))
Nothing is safe. *shudder*
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*Snort!* Yep, acrylic lovers are wont to wrap their babies in huge, fluffy blankets and leave them close to the cave fire!
It all comes back to thinking that the person (or persons) that disagree are it(s) rather than thou(s). How can people have such a high opinion of their own importance to EVERYONE around them?
Ivonava, I've been here quite a while--no implosions! This is where I come to rest from all the drama of real life.
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35091 is a reply to message #35084 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 13:21 |
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L.R.K.
Messages: 1080
Registered: October 2008
Location: Sweden |
Senior Member |
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| Honey_Bee wrote on Tue, 12 October 2010 16:51 |
I think the internet is the worst for situations like this. At least face-to-face most people are aware of social etiquette (or you can make them more aware in person better than in text). On the internet, the feeling of anonymity strips people of any sort of polite manners. I've seen forums where people get ripped to shreds for typos.
And I almost shot coffee out my nose at the melted babies comments.
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Oh, I agree - I was just going to say something similar. It is the "opinion as fact" thing - and anyone who disagrees is either an idiot or has some agenda (for instance if they like a book that My-Opinion-Is-The-Only-Possible-Opinion doesn't like - quite obviously they've sold their soul for filthy lucre... or something like that, only not expressed like that - sadly, as at least that would be faintly amusing.)
There are forums that I might enjoy reading, but would never dream of joining because of things like that. I mean, I like snark as much as the next person, but when it passes certain bounds, it becomes decidedly unpleasant.
And let's not even talk about Youtube comments, shall we? I mean, not the most innocent video is safe - almost anything can lead to a British Versus American quarrel or some other political flame war.
Talking of which, though:
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/
A guide to all the kind of flame warriors that can be found online - vastly amusing, and I recommend a look. (It almost makes me want to find a flame war so that I can identify the various kinds. Almost.)
Besides it's not only a matter of social etiquette, though - on the net, however much you annoy or aggravate someone, they cannot punch you in the face. I often wonder if these people are quite so obnoxious in real life, because otherwise - sooner or later - someone would lose it and they would be assaulted...
Oh, and Honey_Bee - surely you should know by now never to partake of any beverages while perusing the blog/forum? It's never safe - you may think you are reading a wholly serious and humour-free discussion, when - wham! - something funny will sneak up on you. Let this be a lesson to all! And may I add: Tsk, tsk, tsk? (from the safety of my computer...  )
[Updated on: Tue, 12 October 2010 13:30]
Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean, like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35096 is a reply to message #35064 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 16:16 |
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My favorite are the assumptions. Asking, "why don't you have kids?" is insufferably rude, but it still allows you to have a perspective. "When are you two going to have kids?", which my husband and I get all the time, just goes ahead and presumes that there can be no other choice. This is a terrible thing to ask someone, by the way. Though kidlessness is a deliberate choice in my case, it isn't always for everyone. Even in the cases in which it is, it can be difficult to phrase an answer that one feels comfortable airing in front of one's gaggle of small nieces and nephews.
My newlywed favorite cousin became my personal heroine when she responded to the thousandth uncle to ask her, "How's married life treating you?" by deadpanning, "Terrible, he beats me." I've always been tempted to answer kid timeline questions with something similarly acerbic, but I just can't bring myself to trot out a line like "Never. Can't stand the snotnosed little monsters," in any situation in which a small person might overhear. Nor do I feel comfortable discussing my actual reasons, most of which have to do with the burdens of parenthood (physical, occupational and financial) in front of either the bearers or the authors of said burdens. I don't know why it is so important to some people to pressure others to conform to some sort of universal social plan and timeline, but minding one's own business seems to be a rare and precious quality.
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35114 is a reply to message #35096 ] |
Tue, 12 October 2010 20:23 |
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Honey_Bee
Messages: 86
Registered: October 2008
Location: Tennessee |
Member |
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| stormgoddess wrote on Tue, 12 October 2010 15:16 |
My newlywed favorite cousin became my personal heroine when she responded to the thousandth uncle to ask her, "How's married life treating you?" by deadpanning, "Terrible, he beats me." I've always been tempted to answer kid timeline questions with something similarly acerbic, but I just can't bring myself to trot out a line like "Never. Can't stand the snotnosed little monsters," in any situation in which a small person might overhear. Nor do I feel comfortable discussing my actual reasons, most of which have to do with the burdens of parenthood (physical, occupational and financial) in front of either the bearers or the authors of said burdens. I don't know why it is so important to some people to pressure others to conform to some sort of universal social plan and timeline, but minding one's own business seems to be a rare and precious quality.
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With the kid question, I always tell them the truth. "No, I don't want to screw them up and then have to pay for their therapy" generally does the trick for me.
"All knowledge is worth having."
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| Re: Not an entirely successful day [message #35200 is a reply to message #35199 ] |
Thu, 14 October 2010 15:30 |
mgw1979
Messages: 60
Registered: May 2010 |
Member |
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| claning wrote on Thu, 14 October 2010 15:05 |
This often happened at the local food co-op I used to work for. New members would come in with great enthusiasm..... and then be utterly SHOCKED to discover that, just because some of the others are members of the food co-op, does NOT necessarily mean that they are liberals, feminists, advocates for organic farming, or recycle all their paper, plastic and cans
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It saddens me that so many people seem unable to get past the differences in other areas. You don't need to be friends with other co-op members to accomplish something useful - you just have to agree on the goal at hand. For that matter, this can be the opportunity to learn to be friends with people who differ from you. My closest friend is someone I would never have met had we not been on a parenting listserv together - we have extremely different views on religion, somewhat different views on politics, very different personalities (I'm an introvert while she's a flaming extrovert, I'm sneakers/jeans while she modeled to earn money in college). Our lives are richer for our friendship and we're able to be respectful of our differences. (Of course, this wouldn't work if either of us held beliefs the other found unforgivably heinous...)
Life is much more interesting when you accept people's differences and enjoy. I'm not saying you have to like everyone (I certainly don't!), but you'd be surprised how much you can get past in terms of disagreements in goals and priorities as long as everyone is civil and respectful.
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(Heh. If he's anything like the young musicians I know, give him a week and then give him another call. Sometimes we tend to loose messages, even if we're supposed to be adult and keeping track of all these things.) 
