August 28, 2012

Oh the adorable


So I was badgering poor southdowner because she’s my contact and I don’t want to annoy Olivia because she’s the one with the puppies.*  I wasn’t sure today’s meeting was going to come off because it is of course a little ridiculous . . . and then I got a phone call from Olivia who said, Southdowner says you’re in New Arcadia.  I used to know somebody who lived there.  It’s not that far out of my way**.  If you’ve got somewhere away from your own dogs*** I can bring them, I’ll swing past you on the way home.

            Gibble gibble gibble, I said.  Yaaaaaay.  Third House.  I’ll give you directions.

            I got a text from her that she was running late†, so after our hurtle hellhounds and I went down to the mews as usual and engaged in our usual afternoon activities.††  I was just beginning to feel a trifle anxious that I hadn’t heard any more from her when I flipped open Pooka . . . AND DISCOVERED TWO TEXTS DECLARING HER ARRIVAL TWENTY MINUTES AGO.  AAAAAAAAAUGH.†††

            So I went boiling up there and . . .

Her eyes are open and she's looking at YOU.

But not all that open.

Southdowner says bull terrier noses are all pink at birth and then the little black spots accumulate.

I dare you NOT to look like a fatuous twit with a double handful of fluffy puppy.

I chose this one because in some of the other ones I look worse.

Lapful of puppies. Oh the adorable.


Clearly they find long rides in cars and/or hellgoddess laps pleasingly soporiphic.

Olivia says that Southdowner says this is also an unusually mellow litter for bull terriers. She tried not to look smug as she said this.

I reported this conversation to Southdowner who laughed sardonically and said, they’ll get worse later.


Lapful of puppies redux.

I want to live forever surrounded by smiling puppies.

Whether or not they have future-Crufts-winning profiles.

Upside down. Yaaay.



So is Olivia sizing you up for the next litter in a couple of years’ time? 

Erm.  She’s actually talking (clearly and distinctly) about breeding Lavvy again next year because she’s such a brilliant mum and these puppies are (I’m told‡) exceptionally gorgeous and Lavvy is old-ish (five, I think) for a first-time mum so if she’s good at it better get on with it.‡‡

            And Lavvy herself is, of course, so charming it hurts.‡‡‡  Which wouldn’t have anything to do with it.§ 

* * *

* That would be puppeeeeeeeeeeez. 

** This is a relative measurement, but probably everything in the entire south of England looks close to everything else to someone from Tiptoe on Cludge, which is the far side of Birmingham.  

*** Unweaned puppies aren’t vaccinated yet, so you’re trying to keep them away from other dogs.  One of my most hideously vivid memories of hellhound puppies—almost as hideously vivid as the digestive mayhem—is the MONTH I had to keep them effectively indoors, before their last lot of vacs.  Baby things are cute so you won’t kill them?  Yes.  

† Which is a good thing, between my chronic lateness about everything, the Wee Hours Hurtle and the fact last-thing-before-bed supper is, and has now been for several months, the hellhounds’ worst meal^ . . . if we don’t get some aspect of this sorted soon, by January I won’t have seen daylight since October. 

^ Don’t even ask about breakfast.  I gave up on breakfast YEARS ago. 

†† This would include the Lunch Ritual which today required two location moves for Darkness and three for Chaos, as well as Finger Plumping and the addition of Encouraging Morsels.  Gaaaaaaah.  The real reason I find bullies charming?  THEY EAT

††† Technology.  It hates me.

^ And the worst of it?  I didn’t even offer her a cup of tea.  I went straight from AAAAAAAAAAAUGH to AWWWWWWWWWWW and didn’t have another intelligent thought till after poor Olivia left.  Probably gasping curses in my general direction. 

‡ Southdowner, who has seen them several times, says they’re going to grow up to be stunning.  Oh.  Um.  Southdowner—whose ear I bent extremely after this afternoon’s adventure—was trying to tell me even I could see the line of the nose and the breadth and angle of the jaw blah blah blah blah.  Sure.  I noticed that immediately.

^  Awwwwwwww.  Puppeeeeeeeez. + 

+ Nothing like guinea pigs.    And the noises they make are nothing like guinea pigs either.  Nothing.

‡‡ Also while I agree that pounds and shelters are heaving with animals that already need homes and that breeders need to think twice, three times, and probably ninety-two times before they decide to breed^ . . . I also believe strongly that good bloodlines for good dogs need to be kept going.  ^^ 

^ And the sooner puppy farms are closed down forever the better 

^^ Which might mean, for example, if I found myself buying into this particular Crufts-winning-family bull terrier madness, that I might be asked to keep whoever s/he is unfixed in case someone wanted to breed her/him back into the gene pool.  

† She has the successful snake-oil merchant’s ability to make you feel YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE AND HER BEST FRIEND.  It’s not even necessary to produce cheese, raw liver or a dog biscuit.  How amazing is that.^ 

^ Especially in a bull terrier.    

‡‡‡ It?  It what?


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