Varieties of book mail
Today I was cruising old nuraddin emails: I have an Interesting Dilemma. I received a rather breath-taking email of the sort that produced Author as Bitch from Hell*, which I am loooonging to post because I’m sure a lot of you out there can use a good laugh too, but a couple of people I’ve showed it to say No, no, don’t do it, you’ll Only Be Feeding the Troll. I don’t myself think it is a troll, I think it’s a person with a world-view problem, because it’s merely a funnier example of a type of book mail I’ve regularly received since BEAUTY was first published. But if I do post it I want to post a particularly graphic example of the really lovely and day-making type of (e)mail I also, and more often receive. I had a particularly graphic and day-making email in mind, about reading in the bath, and I was trudging, one might almost say trolling, through the long file of old emails**, to find it. And on my way*** I found the following. And I realized, belatedly, that she’d said she hadn’t posted to the blog, not that she had. So we’ve all failed to have this excellent annotation on the essay of banana bread available to us, because I am a thoughtless cow. Which is, roughly, what the email writer who may or may not be a troll was trying to put across.†
Dear Ms. McKinley,
Thanks for the blog! As a Devoted FanTM of your books, I was delighted to have even MORE of your writing to read. Like all bookaholics, I owe you a debt that can never be truly repaid.
I could have posted this as a comment to your entry on Banana Bread but I doubt you go back and read the comments for an entry from more than a month ago. I certainly wouldn’t.
My fave Banana Bread recipe has a great trick for leavening: 1 teaspoon of Baking Soda and 2 tablespoons of Buttermilk*. The CO2 produced by the chemical reaction is terrific. Works really well with heavier flours.
*In the best of worlds, you can find a can of powdered buttermilk at the store. It lasts forever. A tablespoon of powder plus a tablespoon of milk makes a tablespoon of buttermilk. In the next best of worlds, you buy a pint of liquid buttermilk and freeze the leftovers (doesn’t hurt it at all). In the desperate of worlds, you mix 1 tablespoon of lemon juice or white vinegar in 1 cup of milk, which you stir and let stand for 5 minutes. Or use plain yogurt or sour cream. It’s the acid plus the baking soda, that you’re going for. The milk proteins also help.
Because I, too, am a member of the Lazy Slut Clan, I stick the bananas that are beyond hope in the freezer without peeling. Just IN THERE. When I run out of freezer space, I haul out the bananas and let them thaw in a bowl. The number of loaves of banana bread is determined by the number of bananas (total divided by 3). The pulp is now pre-mashed by the freezing process — I can tear off an end and squeeze it out like toothpaste. As a bonus for laziness, freezing releases banana oils from the skin increasing the banana flavor. I just pour the brown “tea” that collects in the bowl into the batter as well.
Here’s hoping this proves helpful — a small drop of return on the delight you’ve provided me over the years. (Just finished rereading Blue Sword AND Sunshine this week!)
Sincerely,
Debra
P.S. Try mixing your rummy raisins into your favorite chocolate brownie recipe. Yummmm. A bizarre but excellent version mixes in rummy raisins AND a can of mixed nuts. You can use the cheapest of brownie mixes and they wind up tasting like a Chunky bar. (As an American during the 70s and a chocolate lover, I expect you’ll remember those.)
Margy’s Banana Bread Recipe
Cream together:
1 stick butter (or substitute 1 cup of applesauce for a lowfat version)
1 cup sugar
Mix in:
3 ripe mashed bananas
2 eggs
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
Mix together:
1 teaspoon baking soda (NOT baking powder)
2 tablespoons buttermilk
Add buttermilk mixture to batter and mix well.
OPTIONAL: 1 cup chopped nuts.
Pour batter into a greased, floured loaf pan. Bake at 325° for 1 hour, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.
I have written to thank her–thank you, Debra!–but I answered about twenty emails in my long troll†† and when I signed on again this evening about seven of them had bounced. With the blog now not only available but manifestly the most diabolical time eater of the 21st century I may stop even trying to answer emails to the web site. I’ll think about it as part of the whole site revision process.
* * *
* or How to Convince Me I’d Rather Be Cleaning Bathrooms Than Answering Book Mail. It’s on the web site.
** The very long roster. Sigh.
*** I did find it. I’ll post it one of these days, with or without the one in which I appear as the glittering-eyed, moustache-twirling villain.
† I am, in fact, such a selfish and thoughtless-of-anyone-but-myself cow that I’m making Peter stay home and cook dinner (again) tomorrow. It’s the 26th tomorrow, and do you remember that we tend to celebrate 26ths and 3rds of months when we feel like celebrating something? The 26th being the day that I picked Peter up at the Bangor, Maine airport and our famous ‘oops’^ weekend began, and the 3rd being the day we got married on. We haven’t been out to dinner for a while so we decided we’d go out tomorrow. And then Peter, bless his pointed little head, noticed that tomorrow’s Prom^^ is all Vaughan Williams. I’m a huge Vaughan Williams fan: yes, okay, I love the lollipops like Greensleeves and Thomas Tallis and Linden Lea and all the folk song stuff, although in fact I get pretty cranky about people who want to patronise folk music^^^, but there’s far more to Vaughan Williams than A E Housman and wildflower meadows. They’re doing his 9th Symphony tomorrow. And Peter said, Would you rather stay home and listen to the Prom? Er, I said. Well . . . yes. Hey, we can have smoked salmon on toast. Does it count that I bought the salmon and made the bread? Oh, and champagne.+ I also bought the champagne. Well, Tesco’s was having a deal on the fizzy, and . . .
^ AAAAAUGH-WE’RE BOTH TOO OLD FOR THIS COUP DE FOUDRE STUFF
^^ You Americans, you know about the Proms? Modestly described as ‘the world’s greatest classical music festival’? http://www.bbc.co.uk/proms/2008/
^^^ Can’t remember if I told you that I said the hell with it and ordered the sheet music to Britten’s Lady Barnard and Little Musgrave in the TBB version because it’s what there is. And when it arrived I couldn’t make head nor tail of it–I couldn’t even find the melody. So I took it in to Oisin last Friday and he played it for me–taking a somewhat creative approach, including singing bits as necessary when he didn’t have enough fingers–and it was thrilling. I was laughing with sheer astonished joy by the end. This is the musical version of retelling a fairy tale for a contemporary audience, you know? I want to do this. Okay, I’m not a musical genius, I’ll just have to cope. But I readdressed my Battle Gem with renewed energy. Can’t remember if I told you about this either? I’m rewriting Battle Hymn of the Republic with lashings of Columbia the Gem of the Ocean as Charles Ives might have done it on a very bad day. I’ve lately thrown in a few bars of America and The Star Spangled Banner. And before you protest that none of this is folk music–well, it kind of is, to me. It’s what I grew up on. I didn’t discover anything beyond the Kingston Trio till my twenties.
+ Peter, on yesterday’s entry:
How unromantic can you get? Well though I know you, I am still astounded that, confronted by a rose that wouldn’t have existed but for a crusader/poet/count almost eight centuries ago, you choose to concentrate on whether it smells like a well-known fizzy drink. P
Well excuuuuse me. In the first place, no real man would refer to Taittinger’s as a well known fizzy drink. In the second place she doesn’t smell like champagne–mead, maybe, not champagne. In the third place, the situation of a rose being named after a crusader/poet/count of eight centuries ago is so crassly romantic that no further annotation is necessary.
†† Maybe I should say seine to avoid confusion
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I want to see the emails! For mocking purposes, of course. They’re most funny when they’re shared.
People are nuts.
(Of course I understand why you wouldn’t post some on your blog. I wouldn’t, either.)
Your inbox sounds scary.
They’re most funny when they’re shared.
********* Well, that was my idea.
People are nuts.
********* Yes. The good nuts and the bad nuts.
(Of course I understand why you wouldn’t post some on your blog. I wouldn’t, either.)
Your inbox sounds scary.
********* It’s actually not very often. And the really scary ones . . . brrrr. But they don’t happen very often. I *wouldn’t* post those. This one isn’t scary. Just–wha’?
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****** Well excuuuuse me. In the first place, no real man would refer to Taittinger’s as a well known fizzy drink.
You and Peter were obviously meant for each other, despite oceans & other minor obstacles :) I can quite see that two such generously large personalities need more space than a cottage could provide.
Happy 26th !
Snork! That’s the POLITE version! (Wait . . . polite . . . are you FEELING ALL RIGHT???)
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The dogs are all asleep with paws twitching so I’m free from their strange warped mind control -ha ha ha! I’m making the most of it before I’m their slave again…
don’t you know ANYTHING? That twitching is them tossing your mind from paw to paw . . . look at the smiles on those faces . . . They Know What They’re Doing . . .
Aarrgghh! How did you know? They ARE smiling – all of them – eeep! Another instance of your Druellness – any warning of what they might be planning – or maybe it’s just better not to know lol
No . . . no . . . you really don’t want to know . . . :) (Pretend you do not hear that strangely howl-like eldritch laughter)
I have now met Southdowner, we had a lovely day at Kew Gardens together and can attest that, at least away from animals and daughter, she is a wonderful, nice, polite woman. The mind control obviously doesn’t work at a distance :)
Thank you Susan, I’ll post you what we agreed (looks round furtively)
I am allowed the very rare day off – about once every 8 years at current reckoning – and then it’s back in the soft yet vice-like grip that all those paws exert ;p
*****They’re doing his 9th Symphony tomorrow.*****
Oooohh! Lovely! You know, I doubt you’d ever find it on a program in America; it’s just too obscure. You’ll find the Sea Symphony: I’ve sung it myself three times in the past 8 years. You’ll find #2, #5, maybe #3, but the others are very hard to find live. Pity you couldn’t go down to hear it live.
*****You Americans, you know about the Proms? Modestly described as ‘the world’s greatest classical music festival’? http://www.bbc.co.uk/proms/2008/*****
Interesting program. I’m actually not that familiar with “Job”. I’ve got the recording, of course, but I haven’t listened to it enough to remember it. The “Serenade” is so lush that I found it to be an acquired taste — at first it was too saccharine for me. But I’ve learned to love it. I read that Rachmaninoff was in the audience at the premiere of the piece and that he was so moved by it he wept.
*****Can’t remember if I told you that I said the hell with it and ordered the sheet music to Britten’s Lady Barnard and Little Musgrave in the TBB version because it’s what there is. And when it arrived I couldn’t make head nor tail of it–I couldn’t even find the melody. So I took it in to Oisin last Friday and he played it for me–taking a somewhat creative approach, including singing bits as necessary when he didn’t have enough fingers–and it was thrilling. I was laughing with sheer astonished joy by the end.*****
Cool! When the melody jumps around like that, it can be helpful to mark it with a highlighter. We’ve done that in choral pieces when we do difficult fugues in which the subject jumps around so fast that we need to keep track of when to bring out our part and when to stay in the background.
Judith
Out of curiosity, did you ever get my email or did your email program eat it?
Hey, I think *I* emailed you a while back. I’d totally forgotten about that until you posted this. Now, of course, I’m lost in the trembling terror that the awful email is somehow from me. I mean, I can’t imagine ever sending anything uncomplimentary, but what if I was–*gasp*–MISCONSTRUED?!
Ahh, anxiety, there you are. I’ve missed you in the four days you were away. Oh, look, and you brought your friend paranoia! Come in, come in, have some tea.
*sigh*
LOL! No, this one is pretty unconfusable. If that’s a word. And if you can sit down and have tea with your anxiety and your paranoia, you’re doing **fine.** :)
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I’m pretty sure it’s Stockholm syndrome–they’ve been around for a LONG time.
Logic sometimes drops by, though and tells me things like, “You know, if it wasn’t signed ‘Katherine,’ it probably wasn’t you.” Then it calls me a dork.
I’m pretty sure it’s Stockholm syndrome–they’ve been around for a LONG time.
****** In my best headmistressy tone: Keep going to your counsellor. You need to get RID of these guys.
And Katherine is a common name!! It could still not be you!!! :)
>> And Katherine is a common name!! It could still not be you!!!
Heh–my first thought on reading that line was, “Oh, crap, it WAS me!”
So I ran to my email, rifled through messages sent out in May, and opened what I emailed you with great trepidation. Yeah, I just babbled about your blog and my blog (“Stop by!” I said) and how golly-gee-neat you were and then a second email to correct an embarrassing mistake I’d made. Nothing about owning you. Just rife fandom.
See, THAT’S how you deal with anxiety. By thwacking it over the head with facts until it either aquiesces or dies horribly. :)
Yes, but if you have too much anxiety YOU NEVER GET ANYTHING ELSE DONE. Ask me how I know this.
I *like* rife fandom. It keeps this blog going. :)
The paranoia is speading. I hope it wasn’t me!!!
Although I don’t remember writing anything as outrageous as that person who, if I recall correctly, asked you to detail your sex life??? Now THAT was bad!
Yes but that one was essentially friendly (I think!)! :)
Oh, please! Please post it! jmeadows is absolutely right – stupid emails are made for mocking. It’s not as if they weren’t WARNED on the website.
Maybe you should add that to the Email FAQ – Stupid Emails May Be Mocked in Public.
I remember screwing up my courage to send you that first email a year or two ago (when I’d suddenly become aware that I’d never WRITTEN anything to all the amazing authors whose books I adored and maybe they didn’t know how amazing they were) and reading all the information on the FAQ twice to make sure I’d followed all the rules…
and reading all the information on the FAQ twice to make sure I’d followed all the rules…
****** Sigh. I should post about this. This is one of those damned if you do–damned if you don’t things. The people all those warnings are FOR skate right over them. The people who DO have a clue, who ARE trying to do the right thing, get all hung up and worried.
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Robin wrote:This is one of those damned if you do–damned if you don’t things. The people all those warnings are FOR skate right over them. The people who DO have a clue, who ARE trying to do the right thing, get all hung up and worried.
Well, in my case, I’m ALWAYS worried about SOMETHING. So don’t worry about it. I’m constitutionally incapable of not trying my hardest to do things RIGHT. This, of course, makes life easy and uncomplicated, because it’s so easy to tell what’s RIGHT… *grins*
Besides, it was entertaining to read the FAQ twice anyway. (Particularly the bits where one gets to imagine just what sort of silly book mail sparked that particular FAQ/rule/prohibition.)
Well, in my case, I’m ALWAYS worried about SOMETHING. So don’t worry about it. I’m constitutionally incapable of not trying my hardest to do things RIGHT. This, of course, makes life easy and uncomplicated, because it’s so easy to tell what’s RIGHT… *grins*
********** We be of one blood, thou and I. :)
I just found out about the Proms thanks to Doctor Who. They sound like a wonderful idea! Sort of like *SPAC’s outdoor concerts.
* Saratoga Performing Arts Center.
This is completely off topic, so I apologize in advance…but I just HAD to share.
I dreamt, last night, about reading Chalice. Quite a feat since I’ve only actually read the bit you posted here. It just goes to show how much I’m anticipating the big release, that even my subconscious can’t stop thinking about it!
I hope it had a good ending. :)
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A friend of mine has a story about his mother’s best friend being out biking on Montauk Point, near the tip of Long Island, sometime in the late 80′s, when a sudden storm blew up. She hurried to take cover under a tree, and there was a guy already there doing the same thing; so they stood and watched the storm blow over and roll out to sea. The man said, with a distinct British accent, “Beautiful, innit?” She turned and looked at him, and realized it was Paul McCartney.
Without missing a beat, she said, “You never answered my letter, dammit!!!”
Apparently this totally slayed him, he fell over laughing. :)
ROTFL!!!!! Well done both of them! That makes me like McCartney better than I usually do. . .
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ROTFL!!!!! Well done both of them! That makes me like McCartney better than I usually do. . .
Yeah, I would kill to have that kind of presence of mind if I ever find myself under a tree on Montauk Point with a famous person. I’ve never met this woman, but I admire her tremendously. Paul McCartney, less so–but still. Glad he has a sense of humor. :)
Yes, my feeling exactly. :)
How about a quote from Pete Seeger about mead:
If it’s good for ancient Druids, runnin’ nekkid through the wuids, drinkin’ strange, fermented fluids… it’s good enough for me!
Haha!
(we loves mead. yes. I’m thinking of trying to make some, myself…)
The weirdest-smelling rose was the one which reminded me of my mom’s pasta sauce. I don’t know the variety, but I swear it smelt of tomatoes, lots ‘n lots of brown sugar, and beans. Go figure. The brain is a funny thing, like you said(:
Rosa foetida smells, well, foetid. And her offspring tend to smell a little strange too. Takes all kinds. :)
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I haven’t been following the blog much over the summer…so I may have missed anything else you posted about folk music…but I wondered if you had ever heard some of the english (or scottish, or irish, or etc) folk tunes in a simple not-elaborated-upon setting. you probably have, since you seem like a fan (I am a vaughn williams nut as well!). your comment about not being able to hear the melody when combined with the elaboration made me think, though, about the fact that I am an english country dancer, and part of the reason I go is to hear the music. you are probably familiar with this, but the tune for each dance starts out as a line or three in a book of 100 tunes or more, and by the end of the dance the band has turned it into something as elaborate as a symphony. depending on the number of instruments available. something I think is fun is just to start with one of the simpler tunes and create variations for it (in my head or on paper, I am not the most accomplished of musicians, and i am still young and stubborn enough to dislike practicing). I usually use the Barnes Books, since that is what i have at home –English Country Dance Tunes, collected by Peter Barnes. it may prove a slightly easier jumping-off point than deconstructing Vaughn williams or Britten (as fun as that is!) and you may recognize some of the tunes from other places. I presume you’ve heard stuff by gustav holst as well?
may all your music-making be merry!
Yes, I love Holst too. No, I didn’t know that about country dance music, although I’ve seen collections of the single lines, and I knew they make it up from there, but I hadn’t *thought* about it. Thanks. That’s very interesting, and I think you’re right, I’d enjoy having a go at Barnes. I love Britten, you see, and I have his book of folk song arrangements and while they’re fantastically over my head I can USUALLY sit down and work them out bar by bar. It’s frustrating but it’s also *exciting.* Lady Barnard just happened to be another geometric progression *beyond* the collected folk songs. . . . And remember that for the purposes of the blog I am also always trying to turn my life into a good *story.* :)
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There is something wonderful about reading (and mocking) bad emails that people send. I think it helps keep me, at least, from sending my own – makes one reconsider if an email will be forwarded around after you send it…
Also, staying home to listen to Vaughan Williams is always an *excellent* choice.
I read this post with a bit of shock because, really, what could they be thinking? How is it possible *not* to love your books? They’re like really expensive ice cream (though less fattening, thank goodness) where you taste it and you love it and the flavors linger in your mouth for a long time after you’ve finished. And you remember it with extreme fondness and count the days until it’s okay to indulge again.
Hmm, yes. Completely lovely.
Thank you! Well, the reason I’m tempted to post this one is because it’s about *owning* me. Readers don’t own me, and I don’t *owe* them anything except my books. A surprising number of people fail to grasp this essential truth. Fortunately they’re still in the minority.
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Kind of off-topic, but I bought the UK reissue of SUNSHINE today – one of my favourite books… *happy sigh* I lent my old copy to someone a couple of years ago and never got it back. I just went back and read the comment-thread re. the new cover (thanks to Jodi for the link!), and I actually really love the cover. I can understand the trepidation, but I think she looks pretty cool – looking down the way she is and off to the side, almost hidden in shadows. Quite effective, and I think it’s the sort of cover that will draw in new readers. :)
Looking forward to re-reading!
YAAY! It’s sold AT LEAST ONE COPY! :)
. . . Golly I hope you’re right . . .
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“I’m a huge Vaughan Williams fan:”
YES!! I thought I’d died and been erroneously thunked into Heaven the year I got to sing Hodie with the MasterSingers Chorale in Memphis, TN. And, then I KNEW I had good Guardian Angels when I found a fantastic CD of Hodie that Christmas, in the Dollar Store of all places!
Smiles,
Jeanne Marie
For a DOLLAR? *****JEALOUS***** I just heard something on Composer of the Week–which is V Wms this week–Shepherds of the Delectable Mountains, which I’d never heard before and now MUST HAVE.
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I’m in the “post them” camp. I say the more outrageous the better. Besides, trolls like to be fed, and they (sometimes) don’t have ovens, so they can’t make use of the tasty recipes you so kindly provide us.
****I’m rewriting Battle Hymn of the Republic with lashings of Columbia the Gem of the Ocean as Charles Ives might have done it on a very bad day. I’ve lately thrown in a few bars of America and The Star Spangled Banner.****
Charles Ives is not a composer I’m fond of so I avoid listening to his stuff, but isn’t there some piece of his that quotes from various patriotic songs? Seems to me it is trotted out by classical music stations on occasions like Independence Day. You could use it as a springboard to out-Ives Ives. :)
There were several good speeches at the Democratic convention tonight. Hillary’s was, I thought, very good indeed.
Ives: yes, that’s right. I never used to like him either but he’s grown on me suddenly as I’ve started to like various semi-modern people–and also as it turns out I’m a semi-modern composer myself (*cough cough COUGH*) instead of bad Mozart pastiche, which is what I expected.
I like the fact that Hillary is really throwing herself behind Barack.
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