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Voyeur
It’s a good thing I looked at my diary this morning because tonight was Penelope’s* writing group night. She’d asked me weeks ago if I’d come talk to her group about being a professional writer and I said certainly, wrote it down, fortunately, and then forgot. So I scrambled around this afternoon finding props–Editions through the Ages kind of thing, and sample page proofs, copyedited ms, galleys, etc, much hampered by the fact that most of this is in taped-up, erratically labelled boxes in the attic at Third House. My Editions through the Ages of BEAUTY is not the same without the (French) edition of the naked girl covered in blue feathers or the (American) mass market edition of the simpering little git with the pink horns growing out of her head–most of which I left in the car, but it’s reassuring to know you have a back up plan if no one wants to talk to you.
Turns out they start their evenings with a Writing Exercise. Gods. What an unnatural concept. However, I am always up for a new adventure.** This is what you might call the extrapolated version of what I wrote:
So I’m supposed to be doing a writing EXERCISE. For the first time in forty years or so. I can probably think of other things I’d rather be doing for the first time in forty years.*** I drop out of creative writing groups. The group part is fine† but the creative writing part is . . . unh. I’ve never taken direction well. And I’ve elsewhere compared my writing process to trying to stay on a runaway horse while taking notes on the scenery.
They gave me the Writer’s Block–which I’d given Penelope a year or so ago when she had hit a creative rough patch–which is a tiny square block of a book with an illustration and a bit of text on every two-page spread. Thus we will choose our exercise topic. Open at random and . . . I opened to a man with binoculars and the word ‘voyeur’. So, who is voyeuring whom? I can do the public thing when required, but it’s easier when I don’t know anybody–and can feel relatively secure in not ever meeting any of them in the street tomorrow or next week, since I live several hundred to several thousand miles away††–when the veneer of someone else, someone not me, some public author figure, can be allowed to be complete. So they are voyeuring me, although I’m here voluntarily.
But I’m voyeuring them too, because I’m going to go home and get a blog entry out of it.††† I’m a good girl, however, so the only person I’ll be rude about is me‡. But I had it half thought out before I came: Outside View of Famous Writer (as I was rather unnervingly greeted at the door) Robin McKinley: Needs a haircut. Has eczema on her chin‡‡ and tea stains on her teeth and she should clean her fingernails after she’s been gardening.‡‡‡ And what’s that funny smell?
Oh. Well, the sterilised chickensh*t purveyors were supposed to ring me before they delivered ten bags of variously smelly plant nutritional substances, and they didn’t. I can’t leave the stuff in the driveway–they may be sterilised but golly do they pong–because I prefer to stay on good terms with my neighbours. But as a result I can’t wear my Chapter Seventeen t shirt till it has been divested of its chicken connection, and I put it on for the writing group. Thus reality impinges on literature, as it so often does.
I think it went okay. The everyday ‘I’ tends to hide under the bed while the extrovert personality construct does her schtick. Most of the questions were pretty normal§ but there were a few nonplussers. A few people admitted to having looked me up on the web before this meeting, but the only one of my books I was asked about was BLACK BEAUTY. Yes, I did a hatchet job on Anna Sewall§§ many years ago so it could be beautifully illustrated by Susan Jeffers, and as a picture book intro for the littlest pony clubbers I think it works just fine, and I hope they all grew up to read the original. But it’s been out of print for yonks and it’s not exactly a seminal work. Someone else said he’d been reading my blog and I was so angry about everything. Uh? I am? I certainly do anger and I’m aware I do it rather liberally but as the thing to single out of this blog . . . well, that was a nonplusser.
And one poor woman asked me what was the best book I’d read in the last six months and of course my mind went blank instantly. And then I said, no, I know! Neil Gaiman’s THE GRAVEYARD BOOK and it’s not available till the end of October! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!
* * *
* And to anyone who was there, and is only reading this to see what I’m going to say about all of you^, yes, Penelope. Everyone on this blog but Peter and me has an alias. Which is also why I’m not going to say anything about you. The only person’s privacy I’m allowed to invade is my own. Peter also allows certain incursions.
^ Hint: nothing.
** No I’m not! What am I saying!
*** Reading LORD OF THE RINGS for the first time. Although that’s forty-five years.
† Sometimes. Which is another tale for another day. With the names changed to protect the ugly evil ratbags.
†† I do try not to take advantage of this
††† Yes I did have to read mine out, like everyone else, and at this point everyone laughed
‡ In the original I add: especially if I have to read my writing exercise to the group–then I’ll really be polite
‡‡ Which is worse from having eaten cheese last night, idiot woman, what was she thinking? She was thinking, that’s a very nice piece of Brie that my idiot husband bought for my friend’s visit last weekend and then forgot to make her take away with her and it’s a pity to waste it. What were cheese-eating neighbours invented for? Good grief.
‡‡‡ I spend my life cleaning my fingernails. I think I have little tiny Dirt Magnets embedded on the tips of my fingers.
§ Including one that I’d better start getting used to: Why do you write a blog?
§§ Except for a few connective ‘buts’ and ‘ands’ they’re all her words. There are just a lot fewer of them.
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!!!
Well I can put together a writing group really fast. Um. Suzi, Austin, Leanne, Stewie, Diego, Simon, and Oscar. (Is that all seven? Hang on, I have to count.) Okay, they’ll be *thrilled* for you to come over and talk about writing. I promise no writing exercises. The writing group will discuss the best lint brush (not that I use one, but I probably should), and how to make sure there are no weird stains on your printed out manuscripts. (I always worry about this. Kippy is quite fuzzy, and sometimes she doesn’t…clean well enough. I mean, she tries, but she’s really fuzzy.) *ahem*
In my group of writer friends, we do this thing called picture game, which is pretty fun. We all look at the same picture and write for ten minutes about it. Usually we end up with a short and mostly useless flash story, but sometimes it sparks bigger ideas. (Like any of us actually *need* more ideas. Brain nearing maximum capacity!)
Oh yes, and if you come to my ferret writing group, I don’t have much of a sense of smell so I won’t notice anyway, and all smells are good smells to the ferrets. Except for vinegar.
And I’ve read lots of your books. How about that? Want to come? ;D
Who’s going to babysit the hellhounds?
But the ferret writing group sounds good. :)
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Bring the hellhounds! They can be writers too. I’m sure they’ll make great contributions to the different topics, and when it’s time to walk them, I have a large (brush-free!) back yard, and there’s a nice river over that way.
No, *you* can come *here.* All seven of your ferrets would fit in a large carryall. (I acknowledge it might be a little LIVELY in there.) Not even ONE of my hellhounds would. Or anyway there would be various bits sticking out. :)
No, *you* can come *here.* All seven of your ferrets would fit in a large carryall.
Okay. Packing everyone up now. (I’ll bring my own litter boxes.) Put on some tea? See you in about five minutes?
Oh . . . make it about an hour, so I can tidy up a little first. And you know it’s the middle of the night here? Also make up the guest bed. :)
And you know it’s the middle of the night here?
I think we both know you never sleep.
;)
I WISH.
[Running bath now and looking longingly toward bed . . . ]
[Running bath now and looking longingly toward bed . . . ]
In that case, good night! Sleep tight!
.. . .. *snore* . . . .
“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach teachers.” You can. You do. My copy of Chalice was ordered days ago. I look forward to this wonderful example of your “doing”.
Thank you!
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LOL Sounds like it was all fun :)
For a laugh: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
And for the brilliant blog of a mini-donkey in Canada … http://sheafferdonkey.blogspot.com/
I don’t think I could go 45 years without reading LotR, but then again I’m nowhere near that old.
Actually I prefer the Silmarillion in some ways. There’s more empty spaces in it for me to fill in in my mind.
I definitely enjoy the Silmarilion more, myself. That trudge across Mordor is worse than pulling teeth for me… (I have to admit that even with the movies I tend to do a ‘best-bits version’ with the fast forward button. *runs away from the thrown tomatoes*)
Don’t worry, Robin(: Famous writers are supposed to be eccentric. If you were completely ‘normal’ they would have likely been very disappointed! And, seriously. Who wouldn’t be awesomely excited to have someone as accomplished and talented as you show up and do a talk??? Anyone who wasn’t probably has some sort of glandular issue which turns off important parts of their brain…
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LOL! No, unfortunately I think what was at the backs of their minds was, Who? Remember, I sell three copies and die over here. But the reissue of SUNSHINE is going to change all that!!!
Hmmm. Angry??? No. Opininated… Yes. I find that a lot of men confuse the two.
I can’t wait for Chalice. I just moved cross country (Philadelphia to Kansas City, Missouri) this week. (Very tired. Who knew that forearms needed to be worked out. I work my biceps and triceps. They are not sore. But my forearms. OW)
Now that I have a new address, I’m ordering my copy and one for my mother who does not shop online and can’t find anything in bookstores without a lot of help.
How are the hellhounds and their digestion?
I too seem to have those special fingernail dirt magnets. It’s a good thing that I enjoy cleaning my nails… I’m also rather glad that I’m not alone.
It’s scary. Go away! I just CLEANED you! :)
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I have to double-check all the time. I don’t know where it comes from… although, some days seem to be worse than others. Maybe it’s sort of like bellybutton lint?
Hmm. I’m very interested in the comment that your blog is angry. I’d describe it as many things, but angry isn’t one of them. Do you suppose he’s conflating angry and opinionated?
I don’t FEEL that my blog is angry (ranting, opinionated, and full of capital letters and italics, but not angry :)) but then I probably wouldn’t. I hope you’re right.
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I’ve never taken direction well.
ROFL!!!! Why do I have a suspicion that this is a gross understatement of fact? :)
Someone else said he’d been reading my blog and I was so angry about everything
You do use CAPS a lot. This might be giving him the ERRONEOUS IMPRESSION that you’re ANGRY when you’re really just being EMPHATIC. :) But hey, you now have proof that there is still a dude reading the blog post-shoe shopping entires! Or did he say “I used to read your blog, but then you started talking about shoes…”
I’ve never taken direction well.
ROFL!!!! Why do I have a suspicion that this is a gross understatement of fact? :)
********* I can’t imagine. Why?
. . . LOL! No, he said he’d looked me up for the meeting! I’m sure all those EMPHASES burned his eyeballs and he stopped again quickly! :)
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I’m sure all those EMPHASES burned his eyeballs and he stopped again quickly! :)
Just think if you’d written the shoe entries in all caps. His screen might’ve melted. :)
The Unspeakable does . . . unspeakable things to technology. :)
LOL!!
That’ll also be key to your new horror author image, you know, referring to yourself in the third person… :)
She speaketh not, yet she bayeth, as a Hound, or possibly she shrieketh, as a Hound’s victim, or possibly it’s very late at night and she should go to bed. Eth.
she should go to bed
LOL. Aye, that she should! And one of us should be cleaning my kitchen right now, and it’s sure not you. G’night!
Oh, go read a novel! :) (If you don’t read fiction, why do you BOTHER to go to Wiscon??)
Oh, go read a novel! :) (If you don’t read fiction, why do you BOTHER to go to Wiscon??)
LOL!!!!
I go for the company, obviously. :)
Really, I do sometimes start fiction, I just don’t often finish it in recent years… I don’t know why, though I’ve got a few theories. The number of half-read books in my bedroom is kind of appalling. Anyway, as I said, I’m trying to be BETTER. I bought fiction a few weeks ago! (Though I’m irritated one of the Wm. Gibson books I picked up seems to be the sequel to another one I haven’t read, and I’ve stalled out trying to decide if I should go back and get the first one…)
And I just bought three things I coveted on Alibris instead of cleaning my kitchen, but they weren’t fiction. :)
I like a woman whose thought processes go, Oh, I’d better go clean the kitchen . . . wait, I’ll just have a little browse through Alibris first.
Maybe we should start a support group for people who clean their kitchens, and then turn around and it’s covered in dishes and kruft again… *sigh* I think I’m deficient in the whole area of startlingly-clean-houses. Or, maybe I just have a mess fairy inhabiting my house (and that might include my daughter…)
I like a woman whose thought processes go, Oh, I’d better go clean the kitchen . . . wait, I’ll just have a little browse through Alibris first.
:) Yes, well, you’ve wondered how I manage to waste so much time on the internet… you should see the kitchen!
Spindrift–I know how you feel. Though really, I don’t even want a startlingly clean house, that would just make me nervous. I’d settle for a kitchen without a huge vortex of hopelessness somewhere near the sink….
you should see the kitchen!
****** Uh . . . maybe not? The ease with which you call up Lovecraftian imagery makes me nervous. :) (Granted, MANY things make me nervous . . . :))
Oooohhh! Mess Fairy! I like that!
LOL! Yes, so do/did I.
The ease with which you call up Lovecraftian imagery makes me nervous. :)
:) Don’t worry, very little of that is actual kitchen-based imagery. And I did clean out the fridge not long ago, so as far as I know lately there are no rugose elder beings in the crisper drawer or gateways to Earth’s Dreamlands hidden behind the milk…
*****My Editions through the Ages of BEAUTY is not the same without the (French) edition of the naked girl covered in blue feathers or the (American) mass market edition of the simpering little git with the pink horns growing out of her head*****
When you unpack these you should post photos and share them with all of us. Do we suspect that the illustrators were on interesting medications when they did the covers?
Apropos only of the fact that it is a book, I bought THE GREAT BIG BUTTER COOKBOOK* today. (Hey, it was not only *on sale,* it was CHEAP.) You (and probably everyone who reads your blog) can understand the appeal of this book. Although if I try too many recipes at once, I may have to increase the dog-walking to two miles a day to avoid becoming Great Big Diane . . .
*It will come as no surprise that the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board is behind this book. There seems to be a lot of cheese in it, too.
Only two miles? I couldn’t eat at ALL if I only walked two miles.
But do please keep us updated on Great Big Butter. :)
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Well, I don’t eat lunch. If I ate 3 meals a day I’d be in trouble!
I don’t eat breakfast! I know, I know, bad bad BAD! :)
*heads over to librarything to look up Beauty covers*
Sadly they don’t have the French cover. I see what you mean about the simpering horned cover, that’s bad.
The first copy I owned was one of the landscape ones – stream through green fields, castle in distance, horse and rider centred, and black corners with pink vines. I loved it to death and when the pages started to fall out (I still have it though) I bought the red and gold one with Beauty smelling a rose. I think the first copy was by the same publishers that did the gorgeous framed Blue Sword cover, with Hari sitting on Sungold, and Narknon at his feet, and mountains behind, and it’s lovely if you try and ignore the fact that Sungold looks slightly too pony shaped and HE”S WEARING A BRIDLE!
Golly, those are the ancient English covers. There are like three of them in existence in the world and two of them are in Third House’s attic. And yes, that’s one of BEAUTY’s better jackets, and I liked the two Damars too . . . but I don’t want to get into the number of times there are bridles on Damarian horses in jacket art. Speaking of how much input the author has about said art. (Although sometimes the tack’s right and everything else is wrong, ref the original Ace paperback of SWORD which is perhaps my worst hated jacket of all time. Although the pink horns is close.)
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Oh! I didn’t realise Librarything had covers. It’s wonderful to see the history.
*several hours pass*
And apparently, Librarything is addictive.
**The first copy I owned was one of the landscape ones – stream through green fields, castle in distance, horse and rider centred, and black corners with pink vines. I loved it to death and when the pages started to fall out (I still have it though) I bought the red and gold one with Beauty smelling a rose.**
I did a double take reading that because those are the editions I have!! (Plus the hardback red edition with the translucent dustjacket with shiny red rose and vines over it, which I had to buy because it was pretty, and also it was a Robin McKinley book IN AN ACTUAL BOOKSHOP IN THIS COUNTRY…)
My copy of the black corner edition is also falling apart, but I can’t bear to part with it, because it was the book I fell in love with (we won’t mention the bit where it was a library book which I ‘lost’ and paid a replacement fee for, because I couldn’t find a copy to buy in a bookshop… *looks embarrassed*)
It was the only thing to do–I stay in print for about five minutes in this country. Sigh. You’re just talking about the British eds–there AREN’T very many.
“Angry”. How odd. You don’t come over as angry – or no angrier than the rest of us get at Stuff. You come over as having a tremendous amount of *energy* – even when laid low by the, you know, the thing. (Leaves it nameless out of superstition.) Oh, well.
.. . the thing . . . LOL! I like that! Very . . . you know, Lovecraftian!
. . . And thank you. That’s what I’d LIKE to think.
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Ooo! I have a request for you and/or blogmom – I’d love to see all the covers of all your books (I’ve never seen a picture of the blue feather cover or the pink horn cover) in one place. I know this might be quite a long-term challenge, but I figure if I ask the worst you can do is say “no.”
Please?
This is also on the list, but will have to wait . . . quite a while. Till I can UNPACK the attic at Third House where all both my and Peter’s backlist is. The revised web site will have at least *a* book jacket for each book but complete will take a while.
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To save YOU going through the attic ….. If any of us had a different version to what was on your site then we could scan the covers and send them in :)
Then you could rate them all with a 5 star rating … LOL
**This is also on the list, but will have to wait . . . quite a while. Till I can UNPACK the attic at Third House where all both my and Peter’s backlist is. The revised web site will have at least *a* book jacket for each book but complete will take a while.**
*evil grin*
I could come help unpack them if you like? ;-)
Uh huh. First I need the *attic floor to unpack them on.*
“Uh huh. First I need the *attic floor to unpack them on.*”
No you don’t, we could balance them carefully in little heaps along the rafters….. ;-)
I’m ALREADY doing that. :(
**I’m ALREADY doing that. :(**
*hugs Robin and offers chocolate and a floor building pixie*
a floor building pixie
. . . whimpers. And eats chocolate. :)
**a floor building pixie
. . . whimpers. And eats chocolate. :)**
The pixie is a very hard worker, the only problem is he’s teeny tiny, so it might take him a while to do a whole attic…:-(
That’s fine. The sound of tiny hammering will cheer me up no end. :)
I feel like a dunderhead at the moment. I definitely wouldn’t be one of the ones who had to look you up prior to group (not that I participate in the groups I do join, but I’d have attended this one just to meet you). But it just occurred to me that I should tell you that *The Blue Sword* was responsible for one of the best names we ever had for one of the best dogs we ever had…I took the name of the squirrely pony at the very beginning, Kisha, for one of our Newfoundlands. But I’ve always wondered how you pronounced it; we said “kee-sha,” but I’ve always had a lingering doubt that maybe we pronounced it differently than the way you pronounced it.
And someone beat me to it, but if I ever organized a writing group for you, you better be sure the hellhounds would be invited. In fact, they might be the celebrities!
From the postures of careless rapture they fling themselves into while sleeping, I’m sure they have TERRIFIC imaginations. :)
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“but the only one of my books I was asked about was BLACK BEAUTY. Yes, I did a hatchet job on Anna Sewall§§ many years ago so it could be beautifully illustrated by Susan Jeffers, and as a picture book intro for the littlest pony clubbers I think it works just fine, and I hope they all grew up to read the original. But it’s been out of print for yonks and it’s not exactly a seminal work.”
I’ve wondered several times about this, seeing that particular book come up under your name and hers on Amazon. I kept thinking ‘but RM and AS are not contemporaries! What’s going on here?’ All is now made plain. :)
And…I think there must be something floating round in the ether about Gorey. Noticed this in today’s Indie: http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/art-and-architecture/great-works/gorey-edward-the-gashlycrumb-tinies-1963-887857.html .
Your ‘voice’ in this post sounds a little constrained, whether by yesterday evening’s activity, or something else. I hope you’re feeling OK and not too under the weather in any critical way.
It’s nice to see Gorey get print inches but the article seems to me a trifle *earnest*. And I would have said that Gorey makes you laugh and creeps you out *both*, that that’s his great gift.
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I certainly wouldn’t have thought of you as being “angry all the time”! Of course I have a temper of my own – so I might think of expressing any felt annoyance as perfectly natural – but still! Honestly, I don’t think reading your blog would be half as enjoyable as it is if that were the case – however much well-expressed anger can be amusing, I think after awhile it would pall and make one feel rather uncomfortable…if that were all there was.
I like to think I have SEVERAL balls in the air. :) Even if they tend to bounce off the floor a lot too . . . (Thank you!)
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