Scrambled eggs
When I unveiled the Five Heroines a few days ago I got distracted, as I am inclined to do, but I’d been thinking about a recipe to commemorate all that noble and continuing effort. Chocolate, I hear you say. Well . . . believe it or not I don’t think chocolate is the answer to all of life’s conundrums.* And chocolate, while paradise,** isn’t sustaining in what I feel is the necessary manner here. And I was thinking about nursery food and desert island food and what I want when I get back from bell ringing or when I crawl miserably out of bed at 6 am to go to a homeopathic seminar*** as well as cheap, easy, requires no prior planning, development, or exotic kitchen equipment, and hot. Scrambled eggs.
I realise that there are people who think that cooked eggs are creepy and icky, but I feel sorry for them, as I feel sorry for people who don’t like LORD OF THE RINGS, or walking, or dogs. Or think that Stonehenge is boring, or Edward Burne-Jones’ paintings embarrassing or quaint. I know what you’re talking about, but what you’re missing. . . . I feel the same way about people who don’t like scrambled eggs.
I also wonder how many people don’t like cooked eggs, or scrambled eggs, because they’ve never had good ones. Or have had the wrong kind: I prefer them seriously gooey, but there are people who genuinely like them dry. If you’re a gooey kid growing up in a dry household you probably converted to Cheerios† and take out pizza at the earliest opportunity and have never looked back.
There are at least two controversies on the subject of scrambling your egg: the first is about the addition of milk or other pollutants and the second is the employment of a bain marie. Laurie Colwin has it right about bain maries: ‘The loveliest scrambled eggs I have ever had were . . . by an Englishman who insisted that scrambled eggs should be made in a double boiler. The result is a cross between a scrambled egg and a savory custard, and if you happen to have about forty minutes of free time some day it is certainly worth the effort. . . . Stir constantly. . . . Stir as in boiled custard until you feel either that your arm is going to fall off or that you are going to start to scream uncontrollably. . . .’ Yes. Life is too short. All you need is a heavy-bottomed pan and a low flame, and then you can scramble your eggs perfectly in less time than it takes to flip through the latest Peruvian Connection catalogue with your other hand.
But the question of milk! Ugh! No less a personage than Julia Child puts heavy cream in her scrambled eggs.†† And I say, so much for Julia Child. People keep telling you to add milk or cream because this makes your eggs softer and, yes, sure, you put some liquid into something and it becomes soggier. But in this case at an intolerable cost to the texture. Properly cooked scrambled eggs melt in the mouth. Scrambled eggs with milk–or, worse, cream–are slightly sproingy. Slightly too coherent, too muscular, because of what happens to milk when it cooks. The Joy of Cooking, which I admit I do not love †††, gives ‘3 T cream’ as optional, but in the instructions it says ‘When the eggs begin to thicken, break them into shreds . . .’ Shreds? You only get shreds if you’ve put cream in. Eggs do not shred. Cabbage shreds.
The ex-sainted Delia gets it about as right as anyone: http://www.deliaonline.com/cookery-school/how-to/how-to-scramble-eggs,9,AR.html
But in her current incarnation she’s probably using powdered eggs from a packet anyway, and I don’t want to know.
So this is how I make scrambled eggs: first, something that I feel is undervalued in the literature, get the size of your pan right. It makes all the difference in the homogeneity of the finished product. I have a tiny iron skillet–about five inches–for two eggs; I use the omelette pan, which is seven, for three. And I think it’s piffling mystique-making to say you must have a dedicated scrambled eggs pan that you use for nothing else. The iron skillet, for example, is my pine-nut and sesame-seed roasting pan. I also use more butter than I’ve seen anyone else recommend: I won’t tell you you’re doing it wrong if you want to use less, but it’s another of those missing-out things.‡ Too much is great.
Melt about a tablespoon of butter in your pan–put it on the heat only just till the butter starts to run and then take it off or it will get too hot. I beat my eggs in the frying pan, not a separate bowl‡‡, which means the pan can’t be too hot or the eggs will start to cook before they’re mixed. Also for lazy absent minded sluts it’s a useful back up to not having the pan too hot when you do start cooking them, because you don’t want that either. Use a fork; beat till blended. Then put back on the heat and start stirring. I use a wooden spatula for greater scraping prowess. This is the main thing: keep those eggs moving. That’s how you get them cooked evenly so every mouthful is as divine as the last. You can stir fairly leisurely till your spatula starts picking up solids on its business edge: then raise your stirring speed and possibly even take your attention off the fascinating Peruvian Connection catalogue. ‡‡‡ As soon as the eggs are almost but not quite the consistency you want, whip them off the heat, but keep stirring, and add another wodge of butter–okay, I use nearly another tablespoon; this is both why I have to walk hellhounds and why I don’t eat breakfast, because this is my idea of the perfect scrambled eggs, and having known perfection, I’d rather just miss out dull–and keep on keeping stirring, because you want the new butter to work its way into every interstice: this is what stops the cooking process and leaves you with eggs of the precise degree of gloopiness, or ungloopiness, you like best.
It does take a little time and experimentation to be able to do it right every go. Oh, and, possible note of warning to other lazy absent-minded sluts: the thing I still forget to do occasionally is to have that final wodge of butter already on the knife in easy reach before you put the eggs on to begin cooking. You lose precious seconds–stirring like mad, of course–groping for it after the fact.
And having learnt to scramble eggs, you can also now make the perfect omelette with only the minorest of adjustments.
* * *
* Yes. Conundrums. Why would five normal, sane . . . uh. Wait a minute. Why would five regular readers of the Hellhounds and Roses^ blog who are no doubt otherwise normal, sane, functioning members of society, want to run a recipe blog when there are so many more interesting things they could be spending time on. At least three of them, for example, live within range of a change ringing bell tower.
^ Even my piano’s name is just a fancy classical Greek way of calling her Rosie
** No doubt the inconvenient tendency to melt in contact with human flesh, which means it is inclined to get distributed all over your keyboard not to mention your shirtfront, has to do with what usually happens when something escapes Plato’s cave: the ideal version is slightly contaminated by mortal reality. In the Elysian Fields you can eat chocolate with your fingers and keep typing. Oh yes and your battery never runs down, in the Elysian Fields. Here in the humdrum world I stay plugged into the mains as much as possible, and I eat my chocolate with a fork. Since I’m always typing.
*** The mere shock of having breakfast is almost enough
† I was just looking Cheerios up on Wiki to make sure they still exist–I don’t eat breakfast, how would I know?–and I observe you can now get them cheese flavoured. Ewwwwwwww. Has General Mills no shame?
†† She also tells you to hold a spoonful of raw egg back, and stir it in at the end, after you’ve taken the pan off the heat, to make the result creamier. Yuck. I don’t want an oiling of raw egg, I want the entire dish to be equally soft and squidgy.
††† Which will no doubt cause many people to feel the pity for me I feel for people who believe Tolkien should have stuck to his translations from Anglo-Saxon.
‡ My usual caveat here about salted butter. If you’re using up to 2T salted butter, you don’t need salt. If you’re using a couple of teaspoons of salted butter, you probably do need salt. And of course if you’re using unsalted butter. . . .
‡‡ Lazy SlutTM, it’s in the rulebook.
‡‡‡ Do you suppose anyone ever wears the denim skirt with the ragged hem and the train?
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Mmm, scrambled eggs.
The best eggs I ever had was when we’d moved out to the country and had no money (having purchased land and house and horses — it was us or they go to someone who wouldn’t love them!) and we got a bunch of chickens. There was a Year Of Eggs, and at that time I was soooo tired of eggs, but what I wouldn’t give for those fresh eggs now. Eggs from the store are so bland after living off fresh eggs. All your talk of scrambled eggs is making me hungry for them!
I need to befriend someone with chickens.
Re: cheese-flavored Cheerios. EW! What the heck? Ew!
Re: chocolate. Mmmm.
Re: sanity. Ahem.
. . . Drat, here’s ANOTHER one that didn’t unscreen itself. Oh, good, I’d better start rechecking . . . grrrr grumble. . . .
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I know someone with chickens who you can befriend LOL
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bxDRmMxQlvI
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Staunchly defending my right to add milk: for me that is what makes it scrambled eggs. Also due to the fact that a cooked breakfast to me is an insanity (exceptions made at Scottish B&Bs), I grew up having this for tea (and later evening meals). We have our main meal at lunchtime – late for Americans and northern European standards i.e. 2:30 or 3:00 o’clock and a light evening meal.
Scrambled eggs (with milk but never cream) is one of the very first things I learned to cook and it most definitely has to be accompanied by hot buttered toast. I just like it that way. Not too dry, but certainly not too wet either. I guess one learns to make these variations to one’s own taste.
Omelettes are an entirely different technique. If you get into omelettes (thousand variations thereof) I’ll have to mention the variant with the brandy in it.
In counterpoint to your egginess, I will offer a sustaining dessert.
Scandinavian Apple Charlotte
from Gran’s cookbook – not our Gran, Mrs. McMenamin was the mother of our Mum’s bridesmaid, Pat and one of her cookbooks, I have no idea which, contained this recipe. This was in the early eighties, so apologies to whoever wrote it, if I could reference them I would. All measures imperial rather than American
3 oz butter
8 oz (6 cups) fresh white breadcrumbs (works with any other kind you fancy so long as it has a good crumb)
2oz (1/3 cup) brown sugar
1 1/2 lb cooking apples, peeled and sliced (Bramleys are best, but Granny Smiths will do)
juice of 1 lemon
2 Tablespoons water
2 oz castor sugar
¼ pint cream (optional)
coarsely grated or shaved dark chocolate
Melt the butter in a frying pan. Add breadcrumbs and fry slowly until crisp golden, sirring frequently. When they are ready, remove from heat and blend in brown sugar.
In another pan put the peeled, sliced apples, lemon juice, water and castor sugar. Cover and cook until the apples are soft. Mash into a puree and leave to cool.
Place half the puree into a 11/2 to 2 pint glass serving dish. Spread half the breadcrumbs on top. Repeat with a layer of apple sauce and another of breadcrumbs.
Leave to chill before serving.
If using cream, spread or pipe lightly whipped cream on top. Sprinkle with the chocolate.
(I seldom bother with the cream, which I find hard to digest. Delicious and a great way to mop up leftover bread or extra apple sauce)
Note on measurements: this is an old recipe and one of the first I collected myself. We still have a set of scales that measures ounces and pounds. For those who do not, 1 ounce is 1/16th of a pound and is the equivalent of 28.349 grams. So 3oz is 85 grams, 8 oz is 225 grams and a pound and a half is 680 grams. However, a recipe really can’t be more forgiving than this one. Add a bit or take away a bit, it will still taste darn good. I haven’t tried frying the breadcrumbs in oil, but no reason not to try using something fairly innocuous – maybe peanut oil? With a light squirt of walnut oil at the very end, for flavour.
Yes, HERE’s the wretched thing . . . it had declined to let me unscreen it! Pah!
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Ah, thanks Susan, this is the recipe I know as ‘Peasant Girl with a Veil’, (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/2006_07_mon_04.shtml) and yes, delicious with all sorts of slight variations in quantity/type of ingredients! With 14 apple trees, we’re quite keen on apple recipes, as you can imagine…:)
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I’m a dry person, myself, and I add water to my scrambled eggs. Sometimes I use milk (it’s how my mother taught me), but usually I don’t feel like exerting the effort necessary to get the milk out, open it, pour carefully, close it, and put it back in the refrigerator. It’s too much work, so I just use the sink. I sometimes add cheese to my eggs too, which is the only way I accept gloopiness in any measure.
I actually do understand water. I just don’t use it myself. But *dry* . . . shudder. :)
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*gloopy* . . . shudder. :)
Hey. I posted two links to the Winter Garden pictures post the other day, and wrote stuff that I can’t remember [something uncommonly coherent and perhaps even witty, for me- so of course I have no idea WHAT it was.]… but I can only assume that it either didn’t go through, or you just haven’t gotten to it yet in sifting through the mountains of comments.
I figured that I might as well repost the links here, just in case. So:
On the off chance that you haven’t seen this before, http://www.bbc.co.uk/gardening/design/virtualgarden_index.shtml
the bbc has a virtual garden designer thing which is far too much fun to play with. And it is actual plants and things, probably meant to be used to actually plan actual gardens, then explore them in 3-D and stuff. But I just waste inordinate amounts of time clicking through creating stuff. [I also love those online archtecture design-a-building(interior and exterior and so on)-then-view-it type things.]
I found that link HERE: http://apps.exploratorium.edu/10cool/index.php
ALL KINDS of really interesting/fun/informative/crazy/educational/useful/ridiculous/time-consuming stuff here!
…now, if only we had the time to spend on things like this, right? but not only has this proved a great source of fun and learning, but has come in quite useful as a database for finding obscure [and unobscure] information. Have fun exploring! :)
–Julia
I almost always add garlic powder and curry to my scrambled eggs, and then cheddar at the end. It doesn’t take much curry powder to get a nice flavor. (If you add too much they turn green.)
Laurie Colwin!!! She is my favorite food writer and I had been contemplating how to talk about her – Pollyanna? Recipe? I love Home Cooking just as a fabulous read.
At some point I think/believe/hope the plan is to have a favourite cookbooks and favourite cooking websites list on PWYF. I’m just always a few miles behind. . . .
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Mm. You’re making me want scrambled eggs, and I don’t even like eggs all that much. :D
My mother taught me to use two tablespoons of cottage cheese in scambled eggs (in a recipe for 7 people). It doesn’t change the texture noticeably, but you have to use the whole fat cottage cheese — none of this fat-free or skim nonsense.
I cant STAND the texture of wet scrambled eggs. They have to be dry, though I do add cream to mine at the beating stage. My other half insists on adding OJ – for what blessed reason I dont know…but he likes it.
I like my scrambled eggs halfway between dry and your kind. Just so that the tops of them are getting the tiniest bit golden-brown. I put in a tiny bit of milk, salt, pepper, and dried parsley. They’re also good with seasoned salt as the only spice, but they taste a bit different. And I throw cheese in at the last minute, very often, and let it melt into and over the eggs. That’s the Lazy Slut (yes I’m stealing!) way of making an omelette.
It’s hard for me to believe that people exist who don’t think Stonehenge is interesting. Have they ever BEEN there? I was there as part of a 3 week trip with my Girl Scout troop after we graduated high school, and it was amazing. Part of that may have had to do with the weather–it was cloudy and a little misty and so very mysterious–but still. I think it would have seemed just as mysterious on a sunny day.
Yes, they do exist, I’m afraid. I’ve been trying to find the edge of the world to push them off, however.
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My mother insists that “scrambled” eggs have the milk, and “scratched up” eggs don’t. Likewise the former are mixed up before hitting the pan, and the latter are mixed up in the pan.
I sometimes wonder if she’s over-thinking things a little. I like mine “scratched up” unless she’s cooking. She does that magic-mom-cooking thing to her scrambled eggs. Which are definitely moist, but not gooey.
Finely shaved or grated (freshly in either case) Parmesan added makes my perfect scrambled eggs – sounds weird, but don’t judge until you have tried it!!
:)
Not me. I’m a cheese free zone. Unfortunately.
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I must confess that I don’t like the taste of unadulterated eggs, so when I make scrambled eggs for myself they have to have cheese mixed into them. By preference, cream cheese, which produces a lovely texture. Of course the use of cream cheese does not eliminate the need for butter, which probably makes these even more caloric than waffles with maple syrup (and, of course, lots of butter). There are reasons why I eat yogurt for breakfast (no, not the stupid nonfat kind either, whole milk yogurt for me.)
**Do you suppose anyone ever wears the denim skirt with the ragged hem and the train?**
No one I know, but don’t you like the sweaters?
I have been putzing around with Flickr for the last few nights and have posted photos. They are ones that have no copyright issues; if I get permission from the professional who has taken some really nice portrait shots, I will post them. (She is a friend, so I can ask her. I have doubts that the conformation show photographers would give permission.) Anyway, here is the link:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/diane_in_mn
I ADORE the sweaters. I have the ‘heartsong’ [ugh] cardigan on order right now. :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/diane_in_mn
** Wow. **
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I, too, use a little milk in my scrambled eggs. The secret to keeping them gloopy (luckily I like mine gloopy and the Husband likes his dry, so he gets the 2nd serving) is to take them off the heat as soon as they start to thicken and before you get to the scraping-up-solid-bits stage. Oh, and they are greatly improved by smoked salmon being sat on the toast before you add the egg to them…..
Omelettes are, in my book, rather a different animal, as they require a fierce heat and DEFINITELY no water or milk. At least, French omelettes – Italian and Spanish are different again… which all goes to show that there are probably as many ways of cooking eggs as there are cooks to cook them!
Hmmm, I just might have to have scrambled eggs for my lunch….
I was taught when I was growing up to scramble the eggs in a separate bowl and to add milk. It was, in fact, sheer laziness that one day got me to leave out the milk and mix the eggs in the pan (fewer dishes to wash! hey!), and ever since, the rest of my family has declared me the queen of scrambled eggs (within the family, at any rate).
I also like the fact that when I accidentally break a yolk when I go to make fried eggs (which has happened TWICE this week, what is WRONG with me?) I can just turn them into scrambled eggs instead of having an overcooked yolk in my over-easy eggs (which, in my opinion, defeats the purpose of fried eggs anyway).
For a while when I was young, my parents made scrambled eggs in the microwave. Which I never understood, because it took longer, was more work, and they weren’t as good. Maybe it was the novelty of the microwave, I don’t know.
MICROWAVE SCRAMBLED EGGS!! EWWWWWWW! :)
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“MICROWAVE SCRAMBLED EGGS!! EWWWWWWW! :)”
—- My brother used to do this (except he was going for “fried eggs”); put some eggs in a bowl and microwave them for a bit. Looking back now, though, I think it may have been more related to the special effects he got; he was a teenager at the time, and they always did this nice satisfying explosion.
I’m not a huge fan of scrambled eggs. Sunny side-up and poached are my preferences, but when I do do scrambled, I like lots of shredded cheese, lightly sautéed onions and mushrooms whipped in BEFORE scrambling. I think that mushrooms are critical to most dishes.
completely un-relevant to food, but I’ve just finished Dragonhaven (ok, yesterday, so the sympathetic headaches and baby-brain have faded) and … aside from the squee because of course its wonderful and amazing and wow and…
Two questions:
Are there Yukon wolves and Caspian walruses in our world? a googling suggests not, but who knows?
Does odorata look anything like this:
http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/i-got-yer-clown.html
Uh . . . no . . .
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I just wanted to tell you that my husband is now trying to eat everything with chopsticks. When I told him you did, he got this disturbing competitive glint in his eye, and marched into the kitchen. He does use chopsticks quite well, but watching him trying to eat a bowlful of very gooey macaroni and cheese last night was… well, a little… well…. it took a long time.
And I like my scrambled eggs creamy but with cheddar in them. And sometimes chipotles. Or salsa.
In the days when I ate macaroni cheese, I ate it with chopsticks. Tell him to keep practising. :) I have two exceptions I can think of: eating chocolate at my keyboard, and getting the sprouts out of the bottom of the salad bowl. :)
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For getting the sprouts out of the bottom of the salad bowl, you need the good quality, pointy-ended Japanese chopsticks, not the cheapo pull-apart take-out chopsticks, and not the thick Chinese chopsticks. And they need to be good quality wood with no lacquer. With that kind of pair in your hands, you can pick up individual grains of rice, peas, sprouts, all kinds of food. I have such a pair.
And I eat ice cream with chopsticks. Usually when I’m at a party, and I don’t want to get a spoon; I’ve already got a perfectly good pair of chopsticks in my hand, don’t I?
In our household, we eat with chopsticks a lot. But since my husband is Japanese American, I’m mixed-race and grew up with chopsticks since I was a baby, we taught our sons at very early ages to eat with chopsticks.
I started eating with chopsticks while we were in Japan and I just . . . like eating with chopsticks. And I CAN pick out individual sprouts at the bottom of the bowl with chopsticks, it’s just I usually work while I eat and it takes too much dedicated concentration . . . :) Oh and yes, I INSIST on good quality pointy-ended chopsticks!!!
Having realized that recipes need to be posted on the main blog…I have one for really, really good chocolate chip cookies. :)
I really enjoy your blog!
Chocolate Chip Cookies That NEVER Forget To Be Awesome
Large mixing bowl
Spoon
Cookie tray, greased
Cup measure/tablespoon measure
Preheat oven to 325 degrees fahrenheit.
1 C. butter, softened
1.5 C. sugar
2 eggs
1 T. vanilla
Cut the butter and the sugar together until they’re evenly mixed. Stir the eggs in. (Yeah, this is really fancy.)
2 C. chocolate chips
2.25 C. flour
1 T. baking powder
Stir the chocolate chips in. Add the flour and the baking powder at the same time. Don’t go spraying flour all over the place. Mix until there’s no powder left anymore. It will probably be thinner than you think it should be but don’t add any more flour.
On greased cookie tray, spoon evenly spaced balls of dough. Bake for 10-15 minutes (I usually do about 12) OR until brown around the edges.
If the eggs aren’t dry, the ketchup doesn’t stick. when I want no ketchup, I go for light and fluffy. The rest of the time, I like them to be kind of chewy.
There’s an argument that as soon as you add ketchup it becomes some other dish and scrambled egg rules don’t apply. I hope it’s organic. Ketchup is one of the Top Ten to be avoided on chemical residue standards.
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Muscular and ‘sproingy’ exactly describes the (so-called) scrambled eggs that are proffered as an element at breakfast in 99% of the business hotels I’ve stayed in over the last few years. Such is their rubbery solidity that I have often thought of bringing some home to re-furnish the interior of my favourite garden kneeling pad.
Yes, even good hotel eggs are *amazingly* bad. You wonder what they’re DOING out there in the kitchen.
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I also am anti dry eggs, however I’ve found that adding a tiny bit of water works really well to make the eggs both squishy and fluffy. Then again I use olive oil instead of butter…
Does anyone have advice on how to clean a cast-iron pan?
Yes, as I said to someone yesterday, I understand about water, I just don’t use it. I don’t like what milk does with the texture, but water is okay. :)
I just scrub the sucker and the hell with it I’m afraid. I used to go through the whole dreadful seasoning process and life is too short. I don’t actually find it cooks any less well for being scrubbed like a normal pot.
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Yes, of course I have advice on how to clean a cast-iron pan. You put it over a gentle heat and cover the bottom of the pan with salt. As it heats up, you use kitchen paper to scour it using the salt. The salt will change colour. If it is really bad, repeat a few times. This is a great way to prepare the pan if you want to make pancakes, as well. Do remember to toss the salt away… :)
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. . . I know that things don’t unscreen sometimes even when I unscreen them, which I assume is what happened to the post you were inquiring about, but I have JUST unscreened this one and here it is popping up again still screened. Maybe there’s a gremlin sitting on the Greek-English contact line. . . .
Buttery firm, moist scrambled eggs on toast with plenty of black pepper – yummm!
I know I posted a comment about scrambled eggs (in favour of milk and not entirely gloopy so maybe we’re talking censorship here:) but it hasn’t appeared. I had appended a recipe for Scandinavian Apple Charlotte… If it has would you like me to re-post?
???? I saw it and unscreened it. If it’s not appearing, yes, please, repost and we’ll try again.
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There it was, reassuringly contrary…
ooooh, all the butter sounds so scary! I’ve always thought I was cheating “health” by cooking eggs in butter at all. I guess I’m the product of too many poorly scrambled eggs, ’cause I thought they came 2 ways… “fluffy” with milk, or “hard” which wasn’t actually edible. Of course, I knew I was right when hotels preferred “hard”, so I have meticulously added milk in the minutist of exact eye-balled measurement to avoid that state…. and ate MY eggs another way! (With gooyness, of course, on a toast with LOTS of butter. on the TOAST, mind you, not dangerously IN the eggs.) Your delight in scrambling (and butter) will be a joy to test… in my very correctly sized pan(s). Naturally.
Do you hear that “people” get a headache while reading Dragonhaven?! I thought my vice-like brain-wringing was my peculiar experience. (Scrambled eggs… head aches… what else?!)